Always the same

My feelings are so jumbled right now, and i can barely get through it… i feel so guilty for going back to school, my mum just said how now we have to do so much extra now that im gone… its so unfair how im only 14 and i did over 350 hours of work over the two month holiday yet i still feel like im a terrible worker and a whiner. Its because my parents always compare me to my brothers. “oh im sad that you’re depressed, but your brother has it worse” “you have nothing to complain about, your brother has it worse” im so fucking sick of it, being compared to my brothers all the time. while it is true that my brother does get it worse than me from dad (who is extremely critical, pessimistic and narrow minded) but everything he gets he takes out on me. I dont think i can name a single insult i havent received from him, and at least mum sticks up for him, she doesn’t stick up for me. if i ever try to stand up for myself (most of the time) i just get told to shut up because my brothers right. Hugo’s the dumb one. Brothers the smart one. That appears to be the philosophy here. im so sick of being told i dont have it bad (FUCK i cant even go in public anymore because everyone just laughs at me because of my appearance, i have no friends, i hate myself etc..) when my brothers have it easier. they have someone to take it out on, and i dont. Any ‘right’ i had to stick up for myself is gone.
Im sick of being told how bad I am.
Im sick of being told i dont try anything. I do 3 sports, and am involved in 4 bands and the debating team. Dad tells me its not that much.
Im sick of being told im unimportant.
If my brother was depressed, mum would take him to get help at the psychologist. I am depressed, and she knows it, yet no psychologist for me. Thats always how it is. WHen my brother pulls a sad face, everyone should drool with sympathy for him. When im depressed, nobody gives a fuck.