Confused/Depressed

I never quite know how to start these things, before I explain I have to say that I feel awful about the way I feel when there are people going through worse. I can’t control my feelings of upset and depression and I don’t quite know where they have come from and how they’ve escalated to me feeling so suicidal, I have a family, a few friends and a boyfriend, for the past 2 years I have struggled with agoraphobia and people not understanding saying I’m being over the top etc. I have no support from anywhere and I feel like I’m going through all of this alone and I’m struggling, I’ve been job hunting over a year and had no luck, I think it’s because I’ve lost so much confidence in myself and hope, I’ve tried to confide in people so many times but they treat it as some kind of phase, an off day even after I have explained. I feel so empty even though I feel like I shouldn’t or I can’t, I want to end my life but I’m too scared to die or to feel pain, I just feel like it’s pointless being here and it won’t get any better, even my boyfriend doesnt believe that I feel like this and I just feel alone and depressed every single day and in everything i do and don’t want to be here.