So, I have self confidence and self esteem issues and I’ve recently been looking for a job. This would be my first professionally employed thing and I can’t seem to gain the confidence to apply anywhere. I’ve managed to ask for applications and fill them out decently with only a few mild anxiety attacks but can never turn them in. A lot of this is centered around a fear of rejection mostly, but I also have problems talking positively about myself or “selling myself” like I would have to in an interview or on applications. I either fill things out as honestly as I feel […]
I’m trying to work from home today. I asked for the rest of the week off on Tuesday because I just can’t deal with the office environment right now.
I’m doing my work, but it’s so difficult. My confidence in my abilities is at about a -724 right now, and it doesn’t help that what I need to finish today are lyrics, and I’m so bad at those. They’re so vague… and if they’re not good enough, they won’t be approved by the licencors, and i’ll have to redo them. Which I guess is fine since they point out what they think you should change, but […]
Hello, new people of the SuicideProject.
My name is Ryan, but you can just call me RealTalk30, or RealTalk, or RT3, or just RT. I am 31 years old and I live in California USA. I’ve been frequenting this web site for about 4 months now, and I’ve become a regular here. I’ve met some really amazing people here, and it’s unfortunate that such amazing people can be so alone, scared and angry. We all have our reasons for being here. My reason for being here is that there is no other place for my selective opinions, not too many places like this one where I […]
My mind tries to understand why things happen and say “there was a reason for that”. However it is simply an excuse, as if my mind is trying to make reason out of the shit that happens to me. It doesn’t take long for me to realize what’s going on, this defense mechanism isn’t very efficient once I’ve realized what it’s doing, but it doesn’t stop it from trying.
I can’t function under stress, any kind of stress. It isn’t even a big deal, I’m just unable to deal with stress. Even if it’s a tiny obstacle in my life, it becomes such a great deal […]
I was just thinking.. And I feel this way often. Suicide can be a very irrational way of escaping your problems. For this reason particular (but not souly for this reason alone)
Point being.. You are going to die anyways!
I’m not trying to be illogical, ignoring how people feel and the terminally ill.
But it’s true..you are guaranteed to die, wether it’s in the next few days or weeks or in 90+ years from now..it’s going to happen.
There are manny reasons people would not want to live, mostly these reasons revolve around Situation, Declination, and Mindset.
But in any situation, in any level of desperation..Mindset […]
At the risk of identifying myself to anyone who knows me..
I had a woman come up to me a couple weeks ago and casually,comfortably,awkwardly tell me that she had followed me off a city bus a couple years ago in a snowstorm after exchanging smiles. To clarify, she was beautiful in the way that i like. The whole experience was so wholly unexpected…. thatÂ I honestly questioned whether or not i had imagined it
Kind of sobering.. I found it easier to believe that i had suddenly become delusional enough to imagine this.. than it actually happening.
So she asked me if i remembered her… If i […]
I am 19. I used to get bullied and sexually abused when I was in elementary school. In middle school, there was no sexual abuse just bullying, but I met Him. We didn’t go to the same middle school, but he lived across the street from me. I was at his house every day when I got out of school. His brother, Him, and I. We were always alone as their uncle and aunt were always out working or partying. Soon, it was only he and I..together alway. We went to the same highschool and I was bullied no more. He had given me a […]
Everyone is running, making progress, enjoying life and achieving a lot but i don’t feel like achieving anything. Life has become miserable, everyday is just more worse than the previous one. I tried a lot during the past 7 years to cope with it but i failed.
No confidence to do anything, life seems to be like a continuous torture, my creativity and working capability has just come to an halt. In this condition I am losing on every ground whether it is job, relations or anything else. Life feels like a monster, people have fear of death but i m having fear of life. Every […]
So i decided to share my suicide story with you. Â I am 26 year old male from Europe. I had on-off strong suicide thoughts since my early teenage years. I hate myself a lot. i don’t think i should live on.
The reason for that is that i always end up in some really bad, shitty situations. Mostly due myself and my own stupidity, Â laziness or my weak character. I mostly live from one emotional disaster to an other, some shit always happens to me, and i freak out and can’t take it easy. And i effect people around me, a lot of people got […]
Still I accept that I’ll probably be spending SOME time in oblivion, even though I don’t know exactly what oblivion means. This begs the question: will I “know” that I’m dead?
Although I have 0% confidence in my answer, the only answer that comes to mind (for myself) is this: “I don’t think so.”
the last time i will see the sun come up as i wake
the last time i will look in my closet for what to wear
the last time i kiss my mother goodbye on the way to school
the last time i walk the halls of the murders that killed my confidence
the last time i wave goodbye to my best friend as im getting off the bus
the last time i will greet my younger brothers home from school
the last time i will help with dinner and dishes
the last time i call my dad to tell him i love him
i now dress in my finest clothes
i get the […]
I’m not sure why I feel compelled to share my story, but for whatever reason I’m not sure I can stop myself from typing these words. But I will try to keep to details to a minimum and will just cover the most important aspects to keep this short. In high school I was an introverted nerd, but the first year actually turned out to the best, and it was only downhill from there. I had large ears and a stutter, the latter of which would often limit the conversations and connections and I could have with other people. In grade eight I started to […]
pissed yet again..
this is my life..
this is where i’m at
stumbling from 1 day to the next..
only another bottle to look forward too
with each drink the confidence grows
with each drink the pain subsides
no more I say…no more
what a complete load of bollocks it all is..
is today the day that it all ends..
or just another day of the usual hollow threats
need to get on that train and turn words into actions..
need to find myself
me..the real me..
can’t be ready..
but I am..
give me the strength and let me end this….
I wish I could get this feeling away from me but suicide pops into my head all day. I’m 21 years old and feel like I have already lived enough. I’m drained. I sit here now typing this in my bed n don’t even have the energy to pick my head up off the pillow. And I did nothing today. Like I do everyday. But suicide seems so nice right now. Like all this stress and sadness gone in a minute. Â But what’s so hard about it is I don’t want to die. When I think about it I just think of my mom n […]
Today,31 May 2013,I just came back from school feeling absolutely sleep deprived and unmotivated. I had it tough these few weeks. School,projects,assignments and continuous disgust i get from the people who resents me,has made life pretty much unbearable these few days. I have been crying these few days and just trying to hold on to what I know best.
I notice that no matter how much effort i put into school,things never go the way i want it to be. It makes me breakdown inside. I feel so hopeless and I feel so useless. I feel that I was never meant for college life. Honestly,right now […]
As I am typing this, my life on paper sounds like the most ideal life anyone can hope to live. I did drop out of college and my job, but only for a few months as I’m planning to get a part time summer job and take classes again in the Fall (I’m lucky my parents didn’t punch me in the head for what I did). Everyone in my family is… family. Normal. Granted, my parents and I had our differences and argued sometimes, but that’s normal, isn’t it?
Childhood was relatively normal (minus being molested by two teeenage girls when I was like… 8? I […]
I finally got a job, which is wonderful. It’s helped me get out of the house, fill up my time, keep me busy and not feel so lonely. But the thing is… they are all so judgemental. It brings me down sometimes, I mean if they are talking about others like that, what are they saying about me?
First things first, I am a cutter, however I have always cut my legs, and the ones on my arms are done in such a way that they are either hidden or they just look like an accident. Anyway, there was a girl working for us for about […]
I wrote a post on here earlier this week saying should I tell the people who bullied me how I wasn’t going to do it but after talking with a friend of mine she gave me a valid point and said:Â i think this is a really good idea you have to speak out b/c a lot of people whose being bullied or bullied don’t really speak out and they hide their feelings inside and no one really know the whole truth and if you do itÂ at least you did something to prevent this from happening to other people and that this took courage. I did […]
I’m 13, And have a crazy family. I Have a bipolar raging mother who beats me occasinally, A dad who could give less of a fuck, a brother and sister both younger who always push my buttons even if i’m already crying, and a grandma who doesn’t help. Â My mom is mainly the reason im here. I’ve been suicidal since i was 9. I’ve grown up mentally as well, i stay locked in my room almost everyday wondering what Â to do and how to die. I have countless scars on my arms from cutting, thinking it was the only way to escape , and now […]
So I’mÂ 14, I know too young to be feeling this way. But I have no confidence I cant stand looking in the mirror I hate myself. I’ve been breaking down a lot, nothing but crying thisÂ isn’t the first time but its never been this bad. I literally have been having suicidal thoughts everyday, its gotten to the point to where I almost started crying in school today. I barely started cutting again. I had stopped in like November-ish of last year I think. But its been awhileÂ and I started up again like in April I think. I’ve written so many suicide letters its ridiculous. […]