Done

All my life I’ve been bullied. My parents don’t give a shit about me. I’ve been told, and now thoroughly believe, that if i killed myself, no one would give a single fuck. Now, I’m not going to run out in the middle of the street and jump in front of a car going 80, but say I were, for some reason, laying in the street, and a car were coming, I wouldn’t move. Growing up, I was afraid to go to school. I would play hookie because I didn’t want to be spit at by the popular kids. I was beaten and made fun of for stupid stuff, like a disease I couldn’t control, or getting all A’s, or having to wear my older brothers’ clothes (I’m female, btw) or getting clothes from other people or thrift stores or garage sales. I was never able to afford “Justice” or H and M” or even places like Kohls and Macys. The only thing I care about any more is music. It is the only thing I love. The only thing that is keeping me alive. Music is something I can create and control myself, which is empowering, to say the least. None of my “friends” know I want to die. They know I used to, and they know I used to cut, but they don’t know I still do. I have marks all up my left arm and deep scars on my left shoulder, which I always keep covered. I don’t believe in God, I don’t believe in eternal love within humans, but I do believe that I want to die.