February 28th, 2013by Bloody
Two summers ago my dad died by an accident. Since then I’ve been fearing everything. I’m afraid of losing my friends and my other family members, I fear that they die too, that they got hurted, that they fall in depression, that they do harm to theirselves… I cry very often just thinking about what should I do that nothing bad would ever happen even I know that it’s something I can’t help. The fear drives me crazy and it disturbs my daily life.
I feel so selfish and stupid all the time. I feel like I don’t deserve to be around these amazing friends. I feel like I’m worthless and I can’t do any good for anyone even tought I try and try very hard.
I have cut my wrist when I was younger, but I decided to stop it becouse I knew it’s not good for me. I’ve been thinking disappearing. I want to leave and just close my eyes from world and be nobody, without any sadnes or darknes inside me.
I don’t have any friends at school and I’m lonely, I don’t wanna talk to any of my friends outside of school becouse I don’t wanna bother them. I’ve been thinkin suicide many years, but I haven’t ever tried that becouse I don’t wanna hurt my family.
I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of worrying all the time. I’m tired of trying to make others happy. I have never been in realtionship, even if I’m adult. It’s not like I wouldn’t have want to, but it’s just that nobody has never liked me. I feel like there is something seriously wrong with me.
I just want to sleep.