I feel drained.
All my energy is being drained by that dark hole I so often talk about.
To whoever said it will get better, well fuck you, cus it doesn’t. It just keeps getting harder. And I keep getting weaker.
My bestfriend today texted me “did you die?”. And I know she didn’t mean anything wrong, whatsoever (she doesn’t know how I feel or how badly I want to die), she was just saying that cus I hadn’t said anything all day (well, given that I woke up at 8pm, it’s understandable). But, as I looked at that text I just wanted to reply “YES“, and I wanted it to be true, so badly. I just wanted to be able to reply “yes” and not be lying. Well, in a way I’m already dead. But I mean in the literal meaning of the word – dead.
If I’m dead in the inside, why can’t I be in the outside as well?
12 comments
Hey hazel. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re suffering so badly. I won’t say that it will get better, because I honestly have no idea if it will or not. You’re being consumed by your depression and you feel like there is no way out. But you can’t give up hope, otherwise the darkness will consume you. You’re not dead yet. It isn’t your time to go.
Thank you for the kind words dave.
It’s just.. the darkness is all I can feel, all I can see. There’s nothing beside it. And I’m running out of things to hold on to.
Also, I would like to let you know how much it means that you take the time everyday to come here and give a kind word to all of us, it really means a lot. And I know you don’t do it to hear someone say “thank you”, but you deserve a big fat thank you!
Thank you for your kind words hazeleyes. I try to help as much as I can and it means a lot knowing that my help is appreciated. You have let the light shine in to overcome the darkness. *hugs*
It sort of does get better, then it gets worse, then it gets better again…
I guess the point is not that it gets better, but things are constantly changing and nothing lasts forever… so hopefully this feeling won’t last forever either.
It’s like the poster says. hang in there kitty.
What if you are not strong enough to “hang in there”?
What if your reasons to keep going keep decreasing?
What do you hold on to then?
‘hanging in there’ doesn’t always require dramatic actions. Sometimes it can just mean: do nothing. Take time out. Ride it out. Duck and cover. Retreat – just for a little while. This storm won’t last forever
I do nothing. That’s what I do everyday – nothing.
That’s ok. It sounds like you’re hanging on. There’s nothing wrong with taking things slowly.
There’s nothing wrong with doing nothing hazeleyes. Doing nothing is better than doing bad things. Doing nothing is better than hurting yourself. When you’re ready, you can set small goals for yourself and try accomplishing them. 🙂
Sorry I haven’t been able to talk today. I hope you’re okay! I’ll be able to talk tommorow and I think I found a free international texting thing we can use. Have a good day even if it’s doing nothing!
I’m so so. Got back home a bit ago. I’m tired tonight, I think I will be able to sleep a little bit earlier 🙂 day was crap, nevertheless. how was yours? Oh which one is it?
Well I found a list of like 5 different things to try. I’ll explain more tommorow after I test each one. Glad you’ll be able to sleep sooner. My day was okay. We were all at a party and now I’m home, but have to share a room with my brother on the weekend and so won’t be able to talk amymore tonight, sorry! Tommorow I’ll be home sooner and will be able to talk :).