Love sucks

I don’t know y I’m so worried about if kodys sexting or cheating I can see y if he is with all the bs I’ve been doing but I just don’t want to get hurt. I really think I should just stop caring about everything again so I don’t end up trying to kill myself again. Even thoe I’m still thinking about ways of doing it. I guess I’m just still too depressed to see the good in life. I honestly think there nothing worth living for. I hardly see my family and kody seems happy sometimes but I don’t think he’s truly happy. He hasn’t really shown me that he wants me. Like yeah we have sex on a normal bases when he’s here but it just feels more like friends benefits. Like there’s no romance we’ve been dating for about two to two and a half month and we haven’t been on a date and we’ve only held hands once. Like I have feelings for him massively but I just don’t know if this relationship is going to go anywhere cause right now we both want each other to do something before ourselves doing what the other one wants which is y I think this relationships going to fall apart. I don’t even know y kodys still around after what I did with the messaging but honestly Thomas and I actually have convo’s we don’t argue or sit there and listen to the other person breath over the phone. I think the only way this relationship will work is if kody stopped being a hardass and try what I told him cause right now as it stands I don’t feel loved, I feel alone and I don’t think that will change any other way.