“There’s too much love in the world. Sometimes I think that’s what heaven is—- a place where everybody’s happy because nobody loves anybody else, ever.”
Sometime I really HATE LOVE, I do. Sometimes I just want to kick the Sh*t out of love…. “How can u do this to me???…”
I hate the fact that I need love, that I want love, not to say that love is enough or that love solves all problems but many of us are on this site b/c we want love in our lives. we want someone to care… I hate that I WANT someone to care. Why is it not enough that I care for me, why do i need someone else to care for me. Why do i need to matter to someone other than myself. Why do i need my existence to be acknowledged? Love is perhaps the most pathetic of all human needs. Love makes me weak, love makes me pathetic and angry, it makes me lose my mind,love makes me feel like a junky,love brings out the worst and the best in me. Love walks all over my heart and I still need to pretend to like it….
9 comments
Haha I feel like what you wrote came straight from my mind. I am locked in this constant tug-of-war with the idea of love too.
It’s not your fault. We are social creatures. It’s not just an opinion or an idea that makes you want love, it’s an INSTINCT. It’s kind of hard to get over things that are encoded into our DNA. Our instincts know that love leads to community, warmth, protection, a better chance of survival, and reproduction of the species. That’s why we crave it and even the biggest loners in the world probably can’t claim to be totally immune to the desire to be with someone else sometimes.
You’re absolutely right with the comments you made, I hate that feeling of needing acknowledgement, why can’t I just like myself, why do I need someone. You’re right, it really does seem pathetic in some ways. We are all just little ego machines. We want to be noticed. We want to be appreciated. We want to be loved. I’m sure most of us here would be happy for just ONE person who gave us those things, we aren’t total psychopaths like some people who want attention from hundreds of people, we just want the genuine interest of one other living breathing person.
I have struggled with this for a long time in my life. I feel so much better about myself whenever I’m in a relationship. I guess it’s a great bandaid for low self esteem when you at least know that someone else finds you interesting and claims to love you. I have a hard time being single but I HATE “needing” to be with someone, I hate that my identity revolves around the relationships that I’m in.
I’ve managed to stop the cycle, I’ve stayed single since 2011 (not like I can claim it’s been hard to stay single, I stay home and do nothing and hardly take care of myself, it’s not like I’ve had to turn down dozens of dates or anything). This is the first time I’ve been this single in years, so at least I managed to stop always being in a relationship, but I still haven’t conquered the mental part of it, I’m still not happy to just be who I am by myself, but I guess I’ve learned to deal with it at least. I don’t ever want to be with someone again as long as I still feel like I “need” it, that will just cause the same old toxic patterns to repeat. But I’m having a hell of a time finally getting to that point where I can say I don’t need anyone.
ThousandCuts congrats on your progress, I’ve just read a very long comment u wrote in response to someone else’s post. U seem to have made it thru the tough days alive!! Yes love does lead to community and protection (reminds me of my bio course on evolution), I understand the part love plays in our survival as species, I just wish I could tame love some how to not be so wild and unpredictable. If you really want to get into sciences, “love is not magic, it’s a chemical”, but i am somewhat like you, a romantic. Not in a sense that I want my relationship to be like in the movies but at least be less painful and pathetic. I have been alone for the past yr and I know I am doing much better but I can’t shake off the feeling of wanting love, even after all i had to go thru b/c of it. the passion makes the mundane life bearable. Perhaps the feeling would never really go away and I’m not sure I want it to… but it also makes me feel inadequate in some ways just needing someone else to tell me i matter.
I think that we’re all searching for our soulmates and trying to find find love, because being in love is supposedly, the greatest feeling in the world. I’m still trying to find my soulmate and I haven’t really been in love before, so I’m just assuming. I guess being with someone who you feel totally connected to and having an intimate relationship is what we’re all looking for. You have to love yourself first before you can really love someone else though.
Dave-N You’re very right in saying i need to love myself 1st before I can love someone else, I just sometimes wish that loving myself was all i needed. Finding someone else to love you is just so tiresome. you invest in love and it doesn’t always pay back, and when that happens it takes a long time to recover, to get back on your feet. I don’t know how much more can i take and the fact that it feels like i need it makes it worse.
I totally understand what you’re saying. Love takes so much time and energy, that sometimes, it doesn’t even seem worth it. Plus, it’s hard to know who the right person might be?
To xylem: I can be a friend who acknowledges you and cares about you…if you’d like, of course.
blacklight915 you’re very sweet I’m here for you too…
Oh, thank you! 🙂 My e-mail is scott1139 @ gmail.com (without the two spaces in the middle) if you’d like to contact me.
msg sent 🙂