unheard cries.

Im here bc i need to pour my heart out somewhere rn. what better place than here, in public, to people who feel what i do? i used to post regularly on this, i’d always try to look on the bright side of things, try to hold on. but what bright side? what do i hold on to? there’s nothing,anymore. im tired of being my own hero. i don’t plan on staying here much longer, maybe until the end of march, little before april starts, maybe around 20-25th. i really don’t know how to tho, the pills i tried last time did not work. i doubt anyone’s reading this but, does anyone have any ideas? i’d like to use pills only tho..being a relief it should not be painful. i don’t know why im still here, it is such a comforting thought, so tempting. the pills, the knives, blades, scissors, they call me, tempt me, they won’t emotionally hurt me. im only still here because of the very very few real friends i have,my mom dad and brother. im nothing special, i wont be missed much in society, maybe i’ll be replaced. i hope my friends can move on,replace me, i’d hate to bring sadness upon those who cared. my dad and i have always had a very rocky relationship, maybe he’ll be relieved. my brother, im sorry bc he saved me once, but he can’t stop me this time, and he’s young, he’ll grow up, have a future, maybe forget I existed. im worried about my mom tbh. i hope she will be fine. maybe she’ll have another kid and keep herself busy, maybe she’ll start spending more time with everyone else. i can’t hold on, no not anymore. im sorry. death sits besides me, he wants me. he’s my best friend.