In a nutshell: 23 years old, No job, never been in a serious relationship, living with my sibling who I can tell doesn’t want me to be here much longer. No money, no car, and since graduating and moving to a new city, no friends. I do EVERYTHING alone. I eat alone, I go out alone, I work out alone. Student loan payments will have to be made soon. Rent, car payments, a multitude of other bills with no job are coming. This isn’t what it was supposed to be like. By this point in my life I was supposed to be starting a new career and making money, spending time with the love of my life. At least, that’s what I had always assumed it was going to be like. You never should compare yourself to someone else. But when I look at the people I knew in highschool and college on Facebook – they are all successful and starting their families.
I wrote a similar thread to this when I was 19 years old, titled Eternally Single: never had a girlfriend, which can be found by googling Eternally Single. I remember writing that late one night, kind of laughing thinking surely, I would find someone in college. I wrote that thinking I would look back in a few years and laugh at myself for being a negative little punk. But things haven’t changed. They in fact have gotten much more serious, in a bad way. I’m sure that I will be working two part time jobs in the near future, at Wal-Mart or somewhere else to pay my bills. What a life to look forward to. I know I’m crying and being a baby, but I have to vent somehow, right?
Advice from my life, if your are interested:
To anyone reading this who is considering going to college: DO NOT listen to the people who tell you to follow your dream major, that the jobs will be there when you graduate. That is a lie. Do NOT major in something like film or art, unless you are very, VERY, very gifted. You will be doing yourself a disservice. My major, wildlife science, or essentially biology with a focus on animals, was a joke. The jobs are all seasonal and the pay is awful. And on top of that, after working a little bit in the field I realized I didn’t want to do that. I shot myself in the foot. Major in something that you can tolerate that will have job opportunities after graduation. Don’t make my mistake. Learn from me. The people who say they hate their jobs, at least they are making money. What I would give for a job that even paid $30,000 a year… What I would give to hold a girl and know that she was mine and I was hers… What I would give… Instead I find myself writing on a suicide forum. How did it come to this? How did I get here, researching the best ways to end it? How do any of us take a path in life that eventually leads us to a suicide forum? Whether you believe in God or not, I pray for all of you who take the time to read this post. I wish you the best in your endeavors and that, unlike me, you will find your path in life. That you are able to solve your problems without having to put a gun in your mouth. Good luck to you, sincerely. No one should have to feel like this, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Godspeed.
M.
9 comments
So, your first paragraph just described my current situation.
I’m 22, I’m unemployed, I’ve never been in a relationship, I currently live with my sister who I also can tell doesn’t want me here much longer, I’ve to have no money and no car, I’ve moved 3 times since my hometown and I don’t know anybody, I’m always alone.. I do everything alone and it kills me. I’ve got a phonebill I can’t afford, rent I can’t afford, I finished a course late December and I’m still struggling to find employment.
And also, like you, when I log onto facebook I see all the people I went to school with getting married, having children and progressing in their careers.
I mean, I do have my reasons what led me to this but still, I wish it hadn’t and it’s shit, real shit.
I’m 24 years old and feel that I can empathize a great deal to both of you. I also wish there was a messaging system on here and that we could all talk. I think it would help if we all became friends & had someone to talk to.
Do you have access to any messengers? Skype, kik or anything.. I’m down to chat if you are. I haven’t got anyone else to talk to.. It doesn’t matter if you can’t, just a suggestion.
I do have skype, my username is bcrites18, you can add me if you would like
You all are fighting the good fight. Struggling to make the best of your situations and even going the extra mile to improve yourselves, all while your backs are up against the wall and life has farted in your faces.. You shake your fists; rock on (give ’em hell) and tell ’em Changeling sent ya!
Facebook is evil. It glorifies the posers and makes honest people feel like failures. (not sayin’ that some of us aren’t failures anyway… but FB enhances the feeling) You know no one’s really as happy as they pretend to be on there, right? Or, perhaps they ARE truly happy now — it won’t last. They’ll be divorced soon and battling it out for custody of those expensive little bundles of joy.
I’ve written things like that too, hoping that I’ll look back and laugh… and sometimes I do… but ultimately the laughter turns back to tears.
You’re still very young with plenty of time to figure things out career-wise, and having a college education of any kind is a bonus. Hopefully a solution presents itself to you soon *hugs*
man sadbk was right. your young and you got alot of time to make a decision on a career. persue something that you find enjoyement with and be persistent until you get it. im damn near pushing thirty and been doing manual labor since I was 13. Im good at working. right now I run a chainsaw all day and get paid like I lived in mexico. no offense to anyone im just saying i work to hard and dont make enough to enjoy a pack of smokes not that there healthy, but I just want to say have hope and lord knows I wish I was 23 again. I wouldnt be doing the crap im having to do today godbless
You describe my life perfectally. I understand where your coming from completely. Will things ever get better for people like us? I hate being alone.
Hey, I hope you didn’t kill yourself because I just want to tell you you’re not alone I’m 26 and I’m unemployed and still live at home with my parents. I do go out and volunteer when I can to get myself out there hoping someone will lead me into a door with an opportunity to get hired. My parents have no clue to know what it feels like to be my age and depend on your parents when all you long for is freedom and independence. They always give me a hard time living with them they expect me to magically find a career and move out a.s.a.p I’m always feeling like a loser because everyone I come to meet that’s around my age doesn’t live at home and they’re all married or engaged too. It really sucks because I’ve only had one boyfriend my whole life and it lasted 4 years then when we broke up I thought my life would be better and I would move on, but he’s moved on got 2 girlfriends after me has his own apartment and is paying his way through college. I’m trying so hard to get a job so I can go to college because unlike everyone I meet they all have college degrees and here I am 26 with no college degree yet. Some days I feel like killing myself other days I just want to pack up and run away. I feel like a loser because this was not what I pictured when I was growing up in school I always thought I would be successful and married by now. I don’t go to bars or clubs because it’s not my thing so I have no other way in meeting a guy and I do go to church but I never come across anybody. I ask everybody I talk to if they know a place that’s hiring because I really need a job and I want someone to help me all I need is just a little boost and maybe that will help get me in the right direction but no one wants to help me not even my parents all my mom tells me is to get out there more, but how much out there can I get I volunteer as much as I can only when the opportunity is there for me because the people there do get busy and do have other people that come in to volunteer you can’t just show up there when you like to. My mom has no clue what it’s like she was fortunate in the decade she was growing up in her 20’s to find a company that would hire her even though she has no high school diploma or college degree. Now in days things work different and she had my dad who was helping her pay her rent I have no one giving me money to help pay my rent. I’m so tired of these baby boomer people telling me what I should be doing when it was way different for them my parents seriously have no idea how I feel. I know this is a little too long but I just thought I’d share and let you know that you’re not alone I’m also single, depress and living with dependents. I try and stay as strong as possible reading the bible and praying I feel like I’m wasting these good years away. I should be enjoying my 20’s not alone and miserable.