Eternally Single and Unemployed

In a nutshell: 23 years old, No job, never been in a serious relationship, living with my sibling who I can tell doesn’t want me to be here much longer. No money, no car, and since graduating and moving to a new city, no friends. I do EVERYTHING alone. I eat alone, I go out alone, I work out alone. Student loan payments will have to be made soon. Rent, car payments, a multitude of other bills with no job are coming. This isn’t what it was supposed to be like. By this point in my life I was supposed to be starting a new career and making money, spending time with the love of my life. At least, that’s what I had always assumed it was going to be like. You never should compare yourself to someone else. But when I look at the people I knew in highschool and college on Facebook – they are all successful and starting their families.

I wrote a similar thread to this when I was 19 years old, titled Eternally Single: never had a girlfriend, which can be found by googling Eternally Single. I remember writing that late one night, kind of laughing thinking surely, I would find someone in college. I wrote that thinking I would look back in a few years and laugh at myself for being a negative little punk. But things haven’t changed. They in fact have gotten much more serious, in a bad way. I’m sure that I will be working two part time jobs in the near future, at Wal-Mart or somewhere else to pay my bills. What a life to look forward to. I know I’m crying and being a baby, but I have to vent somehow, right?

Advice from my life, if your are interested:

To anyone reading this who is considering going to college: DO NOT listen to the people who tell you to follow your dream major, that the jobs will be there when you graduate. That is a lie. Do NOT major in something like film or art, unless you are very, VERY, very gifted. You will be doing yourself a disservice. My major, wildlife science, or essentially biology with a focus on animals, was a joke. The jobs are all seasonal and the pay is awful. And on top of that, after working a little bit in the field I realized I didn’t want to do that. I shot myself in the foot. Major in something that you can tolerate that will have job opportunities after graduation. Don’t make my mistake. Learn from me. The people who say they hate their jobs, at least they are making money. What I would give for a job that even paid $30,000 a year… What I would give to hold a girl and know that she was mine and I was hers… What I would give…  Instead I find myself writing on a suicide forum.  How did it come to this?  How did I get here, researching the best ways to end it?  How do any of us take a path in life that eventually leads us to a suicide forum?  Whether you believe in God or not, I pray for all of you who take the time to read this post.  I wish you the best in your endeavors and that, unlike me, you will find your path in life.  That you are able to solve your problems without having to put a gun in your mouth.  Good luck to you, sincerely.  No one should have to feel like this, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

Godspeed.

M.