Don’t really know where to begin or what to say. I’m an empty shell of a man who wants nothing more than to just die. I hurt so bad inside my head each day and all anyone says is go on, move on, forget. How do you move on from 6 years? How do you forget a family that was your entire life? I have access to all the Argon one could ever wish for at my work. I don’t make enough for Helium or ********. Hopefulky I can get all my letters done this week. So far I got my will, POA and car […]
March 2013
i’m 21 with no family, i’m a dropout, no job, no license, no car, warrants, overweight, gynecomastia, ingrown toenail, extreme back pain, no insurance, girlfriend that i fucking hate(we hate each other) we argue every fucking day nonstop, and nowhere else to go. ending it feels like the only option.
I tried staying, but it felt that you were the one pushing me away. then you say i left when we both know you never wanted me there. I tried fighting for you but maybe it wasn’t worth it. I wasted all my time on you, and now I regret it. funny how you’re the broken one but i was the one who needed the saving. im done trying to stay and fight cause all you will ever do is push me away.
I was born on December 16th 1998 into a loving supportive family, I don’t know how I ended up like this.
My mother was a tattoo artist, and my father a truck driver. They were too busy when I was a child to take care of me, so I had to go to daycare. The first time I was called a bad name was in that daycare. Ever since that day I’ve never forgotten everything I’ve ever been called. And that was also when the nightmares started. I don’t know if they were interconnected, or whether I just made it all up to get over it, […]
I have reached a point where life has no meaning.
In fact, this moment has been long in the making and all too obvious in it’s approach, but there was nothing I could do to stop it, because it is me. My apathy, my detachment from life has finally reached a peak and there is simply no motivation or efficacy left within me. I have never cared for people. I don’t need them, don’t particularly care for them, and often I have wondered what happened for this to come about. Perhaps the rise of narcissism. For if anything I can admit that I am selfish. Or […]
Man, I screw everything up. I finally had someone to talk to, and I was much too honest. I just said how I really felt, but I barely know her, and it isn’t her problem. I feel so stupid. Depression is so venomous, and everything I touch is poisoned. I feel like I can’t tell anyone on this planet, except people on this site, how I really feel. They just can’t take it. I get that though. Clearly, I’m about at the end of my rope with it. Just the moment I gain some hope, I screw it up again and want to die even […]
I came across this blog one night when I was at one of my worst moments.. I was looking for ways to end everything without leaving much evidence.. I read some of the blogs and I just felt like for the first time in my life this is somewhere I could fit in.. somewhere that people would understand what I am going through. I guess I’ll start off by telling how I grew up..
My parents divorced when I was two. My mom left us for a man that was abusive towards her.. he never wanted her to spend time with me and my brother.. […]
(sorry for my english, I’m Chilean)
“Throughout my childhood I longed only to be loved. Every day I thought about how to take my life, but, at heart, she was already dead. Only pride saved me. ” – Coco Chanel
since i have my fresh memory i loved and still loving fashion but that’s isn’t the point.. everybody says that being perseverant made genious or people like that… well you understand me
sometime for me is difficult think i may become a perosn like them.. for me that times are past and maybe there’s no more people like them..
i think i can’t be like them…
College have gone out of their way to invite my Father to Parents’ Evening VIA the telephone. He’s going to find out about my suicidal tendencies & self mutilation. I’m screwed.
They’ve called my father in for parents’ evening on wednesday. I know what will be happening there. They’ll make me look like a right fool and this teacher will break my trust and tell him about me wanting to die. He’s going to be so disappointed. I guess I’ll have to persuade him not to attend somehow. I am dead. I’ll get locked away because I’ll be considered a danger to myself.
I have never felt so trapped in myself… It doesn’t make sense to me. I’m the girl who won’t stop laughing and making silly jokes, everyone will laugh. I’m the girl who’ll save everyone from themselves and give them solutions for their problems, how can I not get out of this?
It’s been months, it’s been years and I’m still the same, I’m still stuck with myself… I’ve changed so many things and I wonder why these changes don’t seem to show.
My anxiety is up again… I’ve stopped eating which means I have to lie to everyone… I’ve started cutting again which means I have […]
I just finished formalities and now i’m fully pledge organ donor! After my death my organs will give other people’s chance to live..
But I wish I could donate my vessel (body) to someone else. I wish I could terminate my mind, my feelings, my thoughts but give my body to another who would love to use it. Someone who would take care of it much better than I have so far.. My body is of no use to me when I feel like this.
I don’t know how to start this.. I pretty much decided to make this to be able to vent about everything. My life is eating me up day  by day now.. It started when my dad had died. Suicide got to him. It was last year, January 7th. I know, I know, dude that was a year ago why are you finally talking about it? How about this- I didn’t have as much depression until now. Not many people understand how fucked up you can get from a suicide, bullying, and no one caring.. Everyone thinking that you’re fine. When in reality, you’re not. My mum […]
Singing… we all have to sing.. or cry.. it doesn’t matter because no one hears us.. well they do… no one bothers to even care.. people are so vain right?… I I I… ME ME ME… vain little bastards right… well… so are we.. we post about how shitty we feel…. and act like the norms don’t understand.. because they’re too occupied with other shit but.. sigh.. There’s no point of understanding.. I’M not even sure if this is even sounding right, I’M not even looking back on my words.. well.. because fuck it.. sigh.. WE’RE all feeling like shit.. and all WE want is […]
W cruelty such as these
Pushing people away is what I’m best at. They’ll be glad to hear of my death. I can’t stand the fact that everybody hates me.
I haven’t thought about methods. Maybe I should think about this. It needs to be a success.
I’m so upset
This is what happend today.I was walking home from school and I saw again that boy eho knows who I am,knows my name (I think…),but he doesn’t know that I like him.I’m just a shadow.And I wonder if there in this big and fake world is a boy who feels the same thing for me.A boy that feel his heart beating fast when he see me walking on the street.I don’t think so.There’s no one.I don’t wanna live this way.What am I supposed to do?I’m alone.