ok…. why am I typing? Â Why am i breathing? Â if life has taught me anything its that happiness doesn’t last. Â and that it isn’t real. nothing is real. Â i am sick of the pain. Â and I am tired of the tears. Â I am tired of being forgotten. Â And I am tired of fighting. Â I have been here too many times. Â And I can’t do it any more………………………..
March 2013
I’m obsessed with FiveFingerDeathPunch & it usually isn’t the genre I go for.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptzzU7jFQwo
Coming Down – Five Finger Death Punch (It’s all about suicide and the pressures of life.)
Dear Noob World or to whom ever reads this;
i cant fucking take it anymore all these shit brained lemmings out there the mass of zombies reveling in their ignorance and retardedness has pissed me the fuck off
Although everyone on Earth has failed to give me even half the accolades and praise that i should get, me inf1n1, being the 3rd coming of christ, I will still fulfill my destiny. You’re welcome.
For you discusting pukes, I will shed my blood to once again open the gates of heaven. Because of me, you heathen beasts won’t have to endure any locust, floods, toads or nukes…
So, start erecting […]
There’s this girl dressed in all black
People stare at her as she walks
she could careless about what people thought
what a lie she tells herself everyday
There’s a girl who never says a word
She won’t speak her thoughts
She believes that her words are useless
She lives in her head
There’s a girl who had to many scars to count
On her skin she screams with anger
Under her clothes lays the truth
Nobody wants to know
There’s a girl who screamed
Nobody came running
Nobody heard
No one saved her from him
There’s a girl who’s afraid
To leave her room
To tell the truth
So it has been a while since i have last posted on here.
How is everyone? Has anyone been in the process of recovering or making an improvement?
I went and bought the 21 cubic foot tank filled with ********, a couple hours later got the regulator with a different piece to put in to switch it to psi. now whats a goods psi to put it on so it is done effeciently? I think read like 8 or something??? Someone with knowledge not just throwing numbers out please. People put out alot of mis information on these forums like they have done it many times. My grandma died next to me last weekend and that was the final straw but I planned it many times before her death this just helped push […]
So I was in the hospital in January for suicidal ideation. Â Killing myself was just at the tip of my fingers. There was no doubt I would do it any day. The hospital just made me worse. It’s not what I thought it would be at all. I can’t believe the way the workers treated patients there. Just unbelievable! I’m still questioning myself about why I’m still here. I think about it everyday. I’m wasting the little bit of energy that I do have trying to push through the days. I’m not working right now, because I’m on medical leave due to mental health. I […]
My psychiatrist asked me today 3 times if he should be worried.
My world’s caving in on me. My friends have become my enemies. Deep down, they wish I’d just kill myself already.
Everything’s clear now. I thought I’d get over this feeling. I feel hopeless.
There are people who have gone through with it and now it’s time. Time for me to get away. Far away from here.
I’m going to make a video. My last video. If I have the guts, I will post it onto here.
I am so scared right now. I’m trying to distract myself.
I’ll never be what everybody else wants me to, therefore I am not good enough.
I’M EMPTY. I HAVE NO HEART. I NEED […]
A young man, Matthew Vines, makes a detailed an impassioned speech to his church regarding the original intent of the words in the bible regarding homosexuality and what it means within the kingdom of God.
For those of you that believe and wonder why god would “afflict” you with such a “curse” of conflict, this mans logic and arguments within the constraints of theology and historical translation will likely give you comfort and confidence that god never intended to forsake you – that instead it’s men who instead choose to push an agenda of persecuting diversity, who have manipulated the words of god and his original […]
Everybody assumes that I want to commit suicide for attention. I couldn’t care less about attention. I just feel so lost. And when I do go people will question why I did. It’s a sick world
best time to die home alone …..need to fighting it dont going in the kitchen or upstairs NOT gnna give in
I’ve been unemployed for years. I’m almost 33 years old and I have to depend on my parents for food and a place to live. I have no real skills and no hope of obtaining a stable job or restarting a career. Every day I wake up is a reminder of how worthless I am and how little I have to offer compared to other people. There are people in my life who love and care for me, but they don’t understand how much it hurts to be an utter failure. No matter what I try and do to make things better, I’m met with […]
wake up.
and come out from your dream
wake up.
and visit reality.
wake up.
life is meant for living
wake up.
but I am meant for dying.
wake up!
this world shuns all the dreamers.
Wake up!!
There’s nothing for me here.
WAKE UP!!!
up from reality…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I guess i’ll conform to tough,
but reality is rough.
and to be honest hun,
i’ve almost had enough.
No, stay strong
you’ll make it through.
No, don’t go.
We all love you.
You say so many silly things.
none of which i’ll believe.
No, your diamond in the rough!
you’ll see!
No, I know you can […]
I was thinking of memories of the past. All the friends I never really had, and all the people that left me. I would give anything to return to then, even though it was shit, it was better. At least I couldn’t see that my friends were being decided by my parents, or that the school lunchtime supervisors were told to spy on me, or that I had been manipulated to want certain things and go to certain schools. No, I couldn’t see any of that. I even still believed my parents cared about me then. Ignorance really is bliss.
The first time I tried to kill myself was on November 3rd 2012.
I was friends with this girl Tori, and then one day, for no reason I know of, she changed. She hated me. I didn’t know what I did. But that week after she changed was hell for me. She called me things, made fun of me, tripped me, hit me. And on that day, I’d had enough. When I get on the bus, I instantly regretted it. It’s like I could feel that I was going to go home and kill myself. My bus stop is the first one, right before hers. When […]
I was just going through my old pictures when I stumbled across my pictures from 2009 summer pictures. I didn’t think anything of it until I found the pictures of my friends. We spent basically the whole summer together. It made my chest hurt, just seeing my smile and all of my friends together. We haven’t really been like that since our friend Andrew killed himself.
We had our little “gang.” four girls, four guys. There was me, Kelsey, Anna, Shiney(real name), Max, Henry, Andrew, and Toby.
We were always happy and having fun. Then, when Andrew killed himself last June, it was like a piece was […]
I wont even know how to describe it. All those ways how I was acting made me feel extremely embarassed about myself. I thought I was missing out on a lot, and I tried to catch up. But instead I was making a fool out of myself. After we stopped talking, I tried to fit in, but it would only lead me to feeling more embarassed. I never cared about the future, but now I pretty much began disregarding the flow of time. It became scary for me to leave the house. I was getting progressively depressed and anxious. I tried therapy, but I never […]
My mother is the most rude, annoying, bitchy, stupid, uncaring, unlovable person I’ve ever met. I swear she’s most of the reasons I want to die. It’s like there’s nothing I can do to make her happy. I try so hard to do the best I can, and it’s never enough. Since I moved here seven years I’ve been on all the honor roles, gotten almost all A’s, and never done anything bad but a smoked a couple of joints now and then. And she doesn’t even know about that.
God, I just hate her so much. A child shouldn’t hate their parent this much. It’s […]