I dreamt that somehow I’ve managed to clone myself and stab the clone,before stabbing “myself” I wrote a note telling my loved ones to incinerate my body and throw the ashes away. Then suddenly I became invisible cause I wanted to know how the people I knew will react. After a few moments,I woke up with the syringe in my vein and my left hand was full of blood…
March 2013
I’m the not-so-cute friend of the girl you fancy,
I am the ugly sweater your granny spent months making that your mother won’t let you throw away,
I am all the Avon catalogs in your letter box, you choose to ignore.
I am all your missing socks that you never bother looking for.
I am the wilting pot plant you forgot to water weeks ago.
The half eaten sandwich your mother tenderly made for you. (She even cut off the crust)
The quiet file on the bottom shelf.
im 15, and people have started talking about my future. asking me what i wanna become when i grow up.
and im not even going to be alive by the end of this year. but i cant tell them that, and they grill me with questions.
dont tell me im too young. maybe im young, but im dead tired.
I’m a first year college student studying illustration in MA. As an artist I hate my art and as a person I hate myself. I lie to myself everyday telling myself that I have any hope when in reality I have none. my art wont improve and neither will my future. Im just dragging myself down and everyone around me. Ive cut in the past and it almost sent me to the hospital. My mom found my razors a lot of times but she doesnt even care enough to stop me anymore. She doesnt even care about me. Nobody around me does. I can tell […]
I feel so sad..all the time. I have a few friends but they go to a different school than me..but still I don’t feel like I can completely relate to anyone. I have no church…I was raised mormon and it really screwed me up in so many ways. I have trouble trusting anyone or anything. i have trouble making friends. People always approach me to talk..I guess I look normal enough but after a while, everyone goes away. They don’t want to talk to me because i’m so awkward and nervous all the time. I fight panic attacks, and i feel like i’m going to […]
Right now I am trying to write an essay for University.
Every now and then I’ll be really productive and write heaps, then out of no where I will just start crying my eyes out and I can’t stop.
All I can think about right now is self harming. Concentrating on this fucking essay is so hard when all I want to do is hurt myself.
If the essay wasn’t due in tomorrow I wouldn’t worry about it, I’d  go watch a movie and come back later but there is no way I could finish it that way. . . .
Fuck this.
Really depressed today.
I want to cut, I want to die. But maybe I just need a really good hug, and someone to talk to. . .
I can’t tell the difference any more. I don’t understand and can’t identify my feelings. Do I even feel anything any more?
I want to be normal.
reading down on this you may think im lying but im nt
im a liar meaning i create a fake world and try to block out reality
i cut to bring me back to reality …. thats my worm hole between my worlds
i want to die because i only cause destruction when my worlds collides
Today march 24th it’s my 16 birthday… And the only thing I’m thinking is in what kind of fallacy we live?
There you have the question of the day
Well , here I am , forced to live day after day in this shitty life. Now I´m ashamed , now that some of them know. No one never knew , and I wish I just stayed alone forever. I really like lonliness more than it looks , because is human company that´s making me so miserable. And why to have a tiny moment of insane hapiness , and then having the old blue days again? I just can´ t stand it. Im back from the hospital. They´re cheking my wrists everyday now , but do they really care? It ´s just another lie , […]
she said all my poems are shit. maybe they are. they probably are…maybe i’ll just stop writing and singing and drawing and painting…cause she says it’s all worth shit.
I just realised that lonliness only hurts if you fight against it. You can make your lonliness your own company.
One day, maybe just one day, everyone will finally understand how tired I was and how broken I was. One day I’ll prove everyone wrong who thought I couldn’t kill myself becuase I was weak that I can. One day I’ll get my revenge. One day I’ll die and be happy again because I left the world who made me suffer. Just one day.
I’ve never felt the emotion, love. I don’t feel any connection to anyone in my life. I’m sure some people will miss me but I don’t care. I’m not going to live because others want me to.
It makes sense to me, though, not feeling love. There’s nothing wrong with my heart (to my knowledge) but love and other emotions don’t actually come from the heart – they come from the brain. I already know that my brain is fucked up – it’s the reason I want to die.
I can’t do it anymore, getting out of bed in the morning with a fake smile at everybody who “cares” about me. Â Why do people become my friends, then hurt me.
“How does your boyfriend even look at you? Â Answer me you piece of trash.”
I want a way out, so bad.
But I’m not strong enough to do it.
My family loves me, and I can’t do it to them.
Just because they don’t know how I actually feel.
I’m sorry…that I didn’t do it so many years ago.
My sister and I were just discussing our futures. Little does she know that I’ll be dead soon. This made cry. I’m going to ruin my family’s lives because I’m unsatisfied with mine. I feel so low at the moment. I can’t think properly.
It hurts.
All of this.
I can feel that my death is approaching. Is it best to say goodbye to my loved ones or should I leave with no explanation?
I think THIS week is finally the time when I do it and succeed. I can feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins. It’s a peaceful thought.