Self harming

There is a plethora of cutting or self harming on here. I am an old fart and trying to better understand this action. Can you tell me something about it? How old you were when you first did it. How you learned about it in the first place. What it feels like just before you do it. What it feels like during and after. Anything else you might wish to share to help me understand. Thanks.

First off, no problem in not answering my questions.

Secondly, I have never fit in anywhere I have traveled in life, so it is not bizarre to me at all that I cannot even fit in on a suicide website! I came to this site a few days ago when I was not just contemplating suicide, but planning for it. Loneliness is the main culprit, but perhaps you have read some of my other reasons as well. Some human contact, here as well as out on the streets where I live has me thinking differently. My reality is I do have a bit of wisdom, I give a shit, and I also have a variety of skills, creative and practical. I do have something to offer, i just have not done a very good job the past few years in doing so. Now, I am pissed at myself for this instead of being pissed at others. While family members have treated me, because I am different, as a being from outer space, I have now been officially kicked out of the family. While this threw me for a loop for almost the past two years, a contributing factor in my loneliness and desire to end it for sure, a light bulb went off a few days ago. You know what…….fuck ’em. A greater revenge for me would be to prove I can flourish without them. And, not so much prove to them, but prove to myself. I begin to not care that much what they think anyway, they are used to making up their own stories about who or what I am, so my life will remain a mystery to them and they are free to fill in the blanks however they deem appropriate. They got it all wrong when I was right in front of them, they are sure to be way off course now.

I have always been good with young people. I taught preschool, raised three kids who would tell you though certainly not perfect I was a pretty damn good dad, and I have a non-judgmental and inquisitive, even playful mind. Time to put all that to better use. To be frank, and I hope I don’t sound arrogant, this messed up world needs people like me, even as messed up as I am!