How far I’ve come is astonishing. I still have bad days, believe me. They can really hurt and I hate them. But just looking back at my past and how I was then, compared to my present and how I am now is just mindblowing. I’ve changed so much, and I am very thankful I have. I went from burning bibles to sleeping with one in my arms and praising it. From being high nearly all the time to being fully aware mentally, emotionally, and physically. I don’t think I’ll never be able to express my gratitude to God for how much He has turned everything around in me, my family, and just my whole life. He has become more of a friend to me than I ever thought possible. It’s hard to explain sometimes, because it’s like we are one together.
I’ve realized how much He is around me, and how much He has been with me in my past, when I felt so far from Him. Every day I learn something new, something refreshing and humbling about Him. I usually realize these things when I’m with nature, and it’s beautiful. Out of everything I have seen thus far, the fact that He is always with me, loves me, accepts me, and wants to take care of me stands out the most. He knows me, inside and out. He created me, gave me my talents, gave me my voice, gave me my wonderful family and gave me this life and these experiences and thoughts. I am beautiful to Him, and He wants nothing but the best for me. How would I learn anything in this life if bad things never took place? God is my Father; He wants nothing but the best and He will always love me, accept me even when I turn from Him, teach me what I need to know, and will even let me go alone when there is something I need to learn for myself. He is the world’s first Father, and forever the best. He always has my back it seems. He has installed a type of software within my heart that I can feel more and more every day, and that takes effect as time passes. These thoughts, feelings, actions I’ve never experienced before and never thought I would have as a Christian. I didn’t even know they could possibly exist.
I was scared to write this post on here, because I have received judgmental and hate-type comments before for expressing my belief and love for God. But I realized: Jesus was crucified for this, but more than that, to save us from eternal sin and the fate of everlasting pain. He said in His word that we would be hated by the world, and He was hated first. We as Christians are hated by this world because we are not of this world. We are by no means worldy, and we are not supposed to be if we are true Christians. We reach for something higher, something everlasting, something beautiful, and something that will save us forever, love us forever, and keep us from all evil. Jesus is love. You can not find His love in drugs, worldy people, theories, concepts, sex, or anything else besides His word, His people, and His creations. I remember the void that was within me before letting everything drop and asking Jesus to come into my heart. I thought I was dying every day, and I wanted to so badly. Every day was the same, it was a challenge, and it was all very tiring and hard. It was a major struggle just to get up in the morning, because I knew there would be nothing good waiting for me. Praise Jesus, I’m alive.
I might get some hate comments, but hey, I’m expressing my love for Jesus Christ the Father, and that is something I will continue to do for the rest of my life. I wont apologize if I offend anyone with my beliefs, because it’s something I love, something I cherish, and something that is straight from my soul. I hope you all will respect it enough not to say anything opposing, but it’s okay if you do. I will expect as much.
For everyone out there who is reading this: when everyone fails you, hurts you, influences you to cut, and leaves you alone, there is one person who will never leave you, hurt you, or fail you. That’s Jesus Christ. I’ll begin to pray for everyone here, because I know way more than half of you are struggling very hard right now, and I am sad for you. I hope you find peace and everything your heart desires. God bless every last one of you.
-Jamie
<3 <3 <3 <3