He broke up with me a month ago, and I was barely getting over it.
I’m just appalled. How could he have regained his feelings for me in under a month?
He wants me back. But I’m scared. I’m afraid of all the possibilities, both good and bad.
He treated me terribly after the first couple months.
And I don’t really want to go back to experiencing that sensation.
I never liked that feeling. And he reminded me about how it felt. To feel like I wasn’t good enough. Like I don’t make a difference whether I’m in someone’s life or not.
I haven’t become like this just because of him. But it was he who triggered these thoughts. It made me go back into reality. I woke up and finally realized I don’t have very many close friends.
No one’s here for me, not even my family. I’ve completely diminished any form of contact with anyone. And now, nobody likes me. No one defends me at school when people try to physically or
verbally abuse me. I’m all alone. When I’m crying in my room, I realize no one even knows I’m hurt. It’s nice to be alone sometimes, but I think I’m to the point where I’ve become so accustomed to it, my own room has officially become my own little world.
I guess I’ll just give this another try.
But I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to handle anymore stress. Of anything.
2 comments
If this guy is as demeaning as you say, don’t go back to him. I may not know you or him but you deserve better than that. You deserve someone telling you you’re beautiful, not useless on this planet. Your life is precious. Whether it be to him, your family, or one of your friends, you’re an important person. Don’t throw that all away for some guy. Stay Strong!
I had a girlfriend in HS who suddenly dumped me and refused to discuss why. Over the next 10 years we would get back together now and again. Usually for sex since we were both pretty introverted in our own ways, but sometimes as a couple for a few weeks at a time. She would always disappear again though, without a word and I wouldn’t hear from her until the next round.
Eventually she got married. A few years later she started stalking me on line, coming to writing sites I posted on pretending to be strangers, eventually telling me it was her. She went on and on about how wretched her marriage was and how she wanted me back. I told her I wanted that too and guess what–not a word again for five more years. This time she was getting ready to leave him. I told her I still loved her and with that–silence once more.
Some people just have to play games. I know she isn’t a bad person, but she is bad to and for me. Letting go this last time around has been especially rough since the thought of starting over with her brought on a real high–like there was something to survive for when I had dismissed all possibility of that. I knew better but I played right along to the conclusion I knew was coming.
DO NOT let someone jerk you around like this. It will do you no good and, in the end, it’s bad for them as well. Hang in there…