I write here almost everyday. Today is the worse day in a long time I feel so sad. I feel it through out my body. I don’t think I will be getting out of bed I’m to tired. You know I think things were getting better he was making me feel okay when he was around. Now he’s gonna go away for three years. I want to go away to but my parents tell me everyday that it’s selfish. That does not make me feel any better. I feel so used. I feel so walked on and beaten down. I know I should suck it up but what’s the point no ones paying attention. I could fall apart and no one would know. Why won’t this end everyday feels like a battle with myself what am I even fighting for I don’t want to live I’m done with all of this. I keep going anyways because I’ll suffer until the end to keep everyone happy.
Here’s a poem
Death
With no purpose and no drive
I loosed all since of right
so lonely and dead inside
on the verge of death
I wonder what it’s like
to have peace of mind
I say my goodbyes
as I whisper my last words
I feel myself start to drift
-sam
8 comments
I don’t think it’s selfish to run away. I ran away from my dad 9 months ago. I stand by that decision to this day. It’s not fair for you to have to suffer to make other people happy. As much as I admire your selflessness, I think you should care more about yourself. There’s no one else like you out there.
I want to so bad but if I leave they won’t have anyone to take care of them they are both disabled from chronic pain so I need to clean cook and give them there pills. I’m needed. I hate feeling like I’m trapped here.
I’m sorry. That’s a very difficult situation. But look at it this way: You can’t stay there forever. You have a life to live. Nothing is going to change so long as you stay there. Sooner or later, one way or another, you’re going to have to leave them. The longer you stay there, the more dependent on you they will become. The sooner you leave, the better the odds are that they might learn to take care of themselves.
I’ve read a few things on here from you but must not have seen that you care for your parents. I’m my mom’s caretaker and I know exactly how you feel. We should ***** to each other….
Trapped….same word I use…..
Trapped is what I am I care about my mom and dad I might be stuck with them until they die. There a pain in the ass but I will go through hell and back to make sure there okay.
Sam, I am like my moms slave and my dad is a drunk I know how you feel I have wanted to just leave but I love them and I will do anything to make sure they are safe I know how it feels I have been in your shoes I understand that it might be tough but push through and it will get better in the end
Believe me,
Haylee
Thank you. I’m sorry about your dad I know how that is to my dad use to be a angry drunk. I’m also sorry your like you moms slave it’s hard when you have your own stuff and your parents. I’m more like the parents of my parents.
I have had my problems but I am still here and strong! 🙂