I can’t find pleasure in anything anymore. I was
born a fuck up, and by my mid teens I was in lots of trouble. I tried so hard to piece my life together, and managed to become moderately successful. Now, 26, employed and financially stable, I don’t know why I’ve kept going this long.
I don’t want medication. Sex made me happy for awhile, I’ve done things with women that excited me. That’s about the only thing that I can even get minimally happy for, but I lose interest in my partners, who I generally enjoy submissive.
Every night I go out to my cottage, play the piano and bring a gun and hold it to my head, cocked and ready to pull the trigger. The only reason I don’t is to not shame the people who have believed in me.
In retrospect, I wish I would have pulled the trigger 10 years ago as that would mean the people I care about would be fine by now.
2 comments
i know this is sad and obviously would be a tragic ending to your story however i find this beautiful and dark. Something about every night playing the piano. i do wish you health, luck, and well being <3
My grandfather, at the ripe age of 75, committed suicide. This is a man with a huge italian family, full of love and warmth…and he just gave up on us. If i could go back in time, I wouldnt have anything profound to express to him, I wouldnt have the right words to say, i dont even think i would say anything… but I would have another moment, another laugh, another tear, something. anything. These moments are taken for granted every day, you have the opportunity to make a change right now.
You are worthy of a better life. #loveislouder