and when I talk to professionals I have this thing i do where i say what they want to hear. Im like, okay, I will try these coping skills, and it makes them happy, but im lying cause im still really thinking about ending my life and i just dont want to disappoint them or tell them. I mean, what are they going to do after all? Just send me to the er, and they wont fix me either.
I used to think id go to the er if i got really bad but what scares me now is i don’t want to go to the er if i feel really bad. Because they will stop me, meaning i will continue to be in pain.
the truth is i have been thinking of more specific things, ideas. I secretly think noone can help me.
But i do have moments of hope. But fewer and fewer lately. And this guy messing with me just is pushing me further.
3 comments
If the guy messing with you is pushing you further, then you need to exit him off entirely. Don’t let him be the cause or the added on of your misery.
I know what you mean with hope, it seems to me also that maybe that it will be okay, and the hope seems to fade when good change does not happen.
Coping skills, yeah sometimes you just say or agree with people just to get them out their hair, it seems like there’s no help, but I believe there is.
Sometimes we never know what’s around the corner waiting for us, that’s why sometimes we have to be patient. Change can be lurking just right there but if we give in to the weight of the world then we would have missed it.
Hang in there.
Thanks Riddick. Thanks for listenting and such a nice answer. THat idea that something is around the corner is what keeps me hanging on.
Yes, this guy is really screwing with my head. I think im just grasping at straws with him. But really he is a player i think. He wants me to know he is flirting with some girl. I mean, are we children? Well, I not quite hung up the phone, but I didn’t continue to listen.
I used to look at the stars and the moon and think such sweet dreamy thoughts about the world and everything. I used to feel there was magic in the world and at night it felt like i was connected with everything in the universe.
What happended to that? I was a very deep person, wrote poetry, painted, dreamed. Now it just feels like that was some other person.
I read some of the other things youve written to people and i like how you think. You are very interesting and actually make me feel better because you make me think of things in a different way.
Thanks for being here. It means a really lot tonight.
All throughout history as far as you can go back no matter when there has always been people like us. Those who would just like to be happy, see others happy, and enjoy life.
It sometimes seems like that I’m seeing the world in a way that no one else is, and everyone just walks by seeing the world through the eyes of deceit. Why can’t we as a people strive for more, strive to be better, why must so many hurt others, only think of themselves, and forget that each person is a person.
Sometimes I too look up at the sky and wonder is this a plan that God devised, and I reflect on why do I do it, why do I keep going, on why bring children into this world, why, why, why, but it seems like the answers never seem to reach my ears.
It seems to me that the person you once were has been damaged by society. It took someone who was full of bliss and just rained down upon you washing all that you once had away.
The sad thing is society never changes, the same mentality those have today will just be taught to those being born tomorrow, and some of those born tomorrow will be people like us. They will start off fine and will eventually be plagued with sadness and lose who they were once was.