Bye…?

Tortured. Yet not. Why do I feel so alone. Why do I still want to die. Why. Why. I’m a why kind of girl. Why don’t you care? Why does everyone hate me? Why do people lie when I know the truth? I carry around that noose.. Waiting for something to set me off. Waiting for that perfect timing to set in. Wanting it to be now instead of later. When the time comes.. Will I do it? Will I jump? Will I fall? I mean.. I’ve already fallen. And hit the ground hard. I’m broken. And people say I have no fucking reason to hate myself. But I still do. Which makes no sense. I just want to die. I don’ want people to pity me. I don’t want people to tell me I’m stupid for feeling the way I do. I don’t want people to take me down. I want to fall down myself. I want to… Jump myself. I want to.. Die… I went through therapy.. It didn’t help. I’ve been 4 times. 4 TIMES. Why am I not better? To me, this is a sign I’m SUPPOSED to die. To commit Suicide. Well.. Suicide to me is such an interesting word.. Sometimes a bad one.. Sometimes a good one… Sometimes beautiful.. Sometimes ugly.

Do people care if I die? No. Why do people say suicide is “Mature content” when it happens to freaking 8 year olds!? Why is an 8 year old more successful than me? Why can’t I die? Why didn’t I die that one day when I moved from the spot the car landed before it got there? Why didn’t the pills work? Why can’t I cut with a knife? Why? Why? Why? What’s the point of life? What’s the point of living? So others can feed off of me? I don’t think so. I think we live to die.Well, I believe that it’s my time to die. I want to die. And now I will try as hard as I can to do so. Maybe I’m addicted to death. To near-death experiences at least. Maybe I want that black oblivion forever. Maybe I want to live… No. I can’t live any longer. I want to die. That’s something I AM sure about. This is no one’s fault, yet it’s everyone’s fault. Liers are fake. People are fake. I will be REAL. I will show them that I am weak and that I am a nothing. They will forget about me. They will not care. They will not remember. They will only have that nagging feeling in the back of their heads telling them it’s their fault. 

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodnight. Goodbye. Good riddance… Missing someone? Yeah.. No. No one will miss me. No one really cares. No one really knows what happened to me… It’s not like I even really know.. I will never lie.. But I will never tell the truth… Because it is painful.. But then again.. Why do you care? Why does it matter to you? Why are you even reading this far? Let me rephrase that: Why would you ever care to read to the end? Ahh… Well… I can still post…. AttheEnd… I don’t know what to do… I don’t have a point… I don’t have a reason.. I don’t have anything to hold onto, yet I still am….