I’m kind of feeling bitter and angry I never realized how badly bullying affected me forget bullying for a moment I remember how bad I felt and whenever I felt it was too much I’d try to go to someone to talk about how it made me feel but nobody seemed to take me seriously and stopped talking but the thing is I guess I started to treat myself badly and I began wishing everything about me was different and whenever I hurt emotionally it kind of brought me satisfaction in someway because I felt like someone would eventually care but it never happened so I kind of accepted it and I became pretty much a loner I didn’t tell my friends(they live far so we weren’t close) what was going on and I wanted to be alone all the time and I’d lash out at people at moments though I didn’t mean it and I really became used to disliking myself that I thought it was normal so I couldn’t see how it was affecting me I really didn’t see how much it made me a person who couldn’t trust someone and how I am wary and never trust people who treat me well which is why I am the way I am now (even though I don’t want to admit it) and why I feel I deserve the way I am no matter how much I try to work it out on my own which is scary because a few years have passed and the damage has been done.

I guess I just want to say that the way you treat people does matter and there’s a difference between clowning once or a few times someone and plain harassment to someone who doesn’t bother you and people will always remember how you treated them and it does have an impact. I know some people believe bullying builds character but I disagree I mean but they do have a point yes some people are able to bounce back but I mean look at me and all the others left with to deal with the pain I don’t believe that people can grow from hate and negativity I think they grow from love.