confused

Do you know that moment when you don’t know what to do anymore. When your world is crashing down but you still have a stupid smile on your face. This is all happening to me,& I’m losing it. Yeah people out there have it worse than me & I shouldn’t be complaining but it’s just to much to handle. I just want to end it & leave it all behind. I have nothing to much to lose. The people who once gave a damn  about me just gave up on me. Now a couple days ago I lost the person I love thanks to my stupid drug & drinking habits. Now & days I want to start cutting again cause life is just a pain in the ass. Through all of this I’ve lost hope in god. Sometimes I find myself praying to a god I don’t really believe in anymore. I just want to drink the pain away…