Wrote my Last Will tonight. Getting it notarized this weekend and signed by two witnesses tomorrow. Felt great. Left most everything to my recently deceased lover’s family. His mom was the second kindest person to me; the first being her beautiful son who I can’t bear to live on without.
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I’m here for you. Don’t worry. I’ll tuck you in and cuddle you to sleep. Yes, I don’t care if I’m off my rocker anymore. I care about nothing because soon I will be gone so fuck this terrible existence and its depths of loneliness that I feel but others don’t and the peaks of happiness that others do and I don’t. My brain is just rotten and sitting here alone in my room has me losing touch with reality. Maybe, Idk. Life is just one big popularity contest, even the funeral. People act as if its some great precious gift and I have absolutely no idea what they are describing. My life has been one big crapfest and fuck you if you think I’m not in the right state of mind or “trying hard enough”. DONE.
“Why do people have to be this lonely? What’s the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?†~ Haruki Murakami
“Loneliness …. isn’t some personality defect or sign of weakness—it’s a survival impulse like hunger or thirst, a trigger pushing us toward the nourishment of human companionship… people who get stuck in loneliness have not done anything wrong. None of us is immune to feelings of isolation, any more than we are immune to feelings of hunger or physical pain.” ~ ‘The nature of Loneliness’ – University of Chicago magazine
Not sure if you’re still here… Sorry that I, and perhaps others here, are not able to offer you significant/meaningful help. I haven’t read all of your posts / comments – just saw this particular post; hope that you get through, beyond, this…
Take care.
It’s so damn awful we cannot comfort each other as often as the trolls on Youtube degrade one another. Why is it so “un-natural” and wrong for us to do that? I don’t mean in a relationship way – I mean why can’t we just hug and hold and comfort each other instead of all the other bullshit that we do? I think it’s tragic and it is ultimately a terminal cancer for our species.
@someone who cares–
Fear of rejection, seeming too forward. Silly reasons, really. I’m the sort of person who wants to reach out to others, even strangers, in such a way, I mean we all knoe what pain is, right?
I definitely think humans can suck a lot sometimes. Yeah are developed intelligence allows us a comfortable lifestyle but it also makes us too cerebral. We need to be more instinctual and caring towards each other..