it’s been awhile since i posted on here. I guess things are going okay, Ive had a lot going on lately actually
first off, ive had two of my close friends (both guys) confess to me that theyre suicidal and one told me that he had just took pills and i freaked out. i couldnt lose another friend, i wouldnt be the same if i was the only one who knew. and his reasons were the same as the other two boys who suceeded in the past two years. My other friend ruined it with his girlfriend and hes been dying everyday because she wont even talk to him and he said he thinks about suicide every day, just like i do and we had a nice talk. I burnt myself today just to feel the pain and i’m done with the cutting, been clean since like March..but i still need something so the lighter seemed just fine, ive given myself a 3rd degree burn before so why not?
second, Im with a guy that makes me so happy, and i just cant see myself without him again, because i barely made it through 6 days the last time and my parents dont know and everyone else does. Last night he had a baseball game at my school and i stayed after even though i wasnt supposed to just so i could see him and my parents were pissed but came and picked me up anyway, at 9 p.m.
I’m super happy with him, but right there is all my thoughts of suicide and the negative things and the stress. I drop everythin im doin just to talk to him and some say thats a bad thing but its not. I barely get to see him and talk to him so of course id drop everything just to talk. My parents say hes a distraction and all that he wants is sex, and constantly says that i only go out to have sex with guys and im like seriously? you dont let me out of the house to begin with!?