i just dont know

I just dont know why i cant get the words out of my mind. I cant forget anything. I remember every single word or name i was called. I remember every punch. I still have the feeling of being terrified every day to do anything and being worried ill do it wrong and disappoint someone. My mind i slowly killing me and its winning. I cant fight for much longer. I hate more when i don’t know a answer to a question. i cant handle being so weak and stupid. I hate when anybody is disappointed in me. I hate me. I cry when i see myself in the mirror. I dont know why im like this, i dont know why i cant forget everything, i dont know why i cut and cant stop, i dont know why i cant just let everything go like ive been told to do, i dont know why i cant just try harder and i dont know why i cant just be me.