Hi! I would give you my name, but it doesn’t feel important. What does feel important is that I’m a real person just like you, I laugh, I cry, and sometimes when times get tough, I feel like ending it all. This might be a long one, but I hope to keep your attention!
I was born a creative person, I saw the world a little differently then other kids. I started talking at 8 months old, and I understood what the adults would talk about. It turned out I was a Verbal Genious. This might come in handy later!
Fast fowarding a little bit. Growing up was great! I was surrounded in a house with a mom, a dad, a sister, and two grandparents who loved me. I was one of the most popular kids in my elementary school, and people LOVED me. Don’t get disinterested now, because just because you may not relate to that doesn’t mean that I’m not like you! But sure you may be thinking, “You had it great for you growing up!Why would you ever want to end your life?” Well, after moving cities finding new friends, and starting over completely, my life took a turn.
At this new school, I was that REALLY weird girl that NO ONE wanted to talk to. I was chubby and nerdy so I was socially awkward. And even though I was great at acting and super smart, no one cared because I went to a school for gifted and talented. One of my MAIN talents was embarrasing myself. If I had a PENNY for everytime I’ve said or done something stupid in front of other people, I’d have more money than Apple. So everytime I think of something embarrasing, I mutter to myself, “I’m gonna shoot myself!” But that was just elementary school. Middle School is where my story starts.
I went to a preforming arts middle school in the ghetto. The kids there lived some pretty hard lives. Most of my friends were cutters, a few talked about suicide. Well that was foreign to me because I was so sheltered. Then a little boy who sat at my lunch table died by getting hit by a car. Everyone around me acted like that happened every day! The world just went on in a single moment. But you see then someone else I knew died, followed by another one, and another one, until 6 people I knew had died. Then I realized each person was getting a little bit closer to me. I couldn’t help but feel this impending doom like it was my turn to die. Don’t get scared at this but, I think that I let the demons surrounding me get into my life.
The world around me was crashing down on my shoulders! People were hurting, DYING! People were being mean to me, people were coming into my life, and the world was spinning so fast in front of me that the beautiful future that I had ahead of me was no longer clear to me… It wasn’t there. That was the night.
I stood in my closet with one side of the rope tied to my neck, the other side to my closet. I counted down all the reasons why my life was about to end until I took the fatal leap. If you didn’t already know, It’s true what they say about your life flashing before your eyes. As much as you don’t want it to be. You have to see EVERYTHING. The good times and the bad. But I was twelve years old. My life cut out in an instant. It was too short, and something about felt like a movie, without any plot, or a poem with no sort of summary. Then it was ahead of me. I walked down dark tunnel, headed towards this warm light at the end that felt like home. But then God appeared in front of me and told me “Your life’s not over child.” And I woke up on Earth with a broken rope around my neck.
I find a hobby of writing poetry now. It vents my feelings through my verbal genious. I can explain to you in detail what happens when you die. I was blessed with this. And I can’t help but feel that It was my duty sent from God to share this story with you. But my life will end when my story finishes. I’ll never know when that’ll be til it comes. Then I will truly understand the errors of my ways. But God put me through this so that I could share with YOU. I don’t care if one person reads this, or a million people do. This is my story, my story yet to come to a conclusion.