My best friend… well to put it quite bluntly they are in the worst place – they are on the edge of the cliff and are about to fall off very soon.
They keep telling me that there is no hope for them, that I should stop trying to help them when there is no possible solution – but that’s just not in my nature. I wouldn’t leave a stranger alone let alone someone who I think of as nothing less than a brother. When you love somebody you cant just walk away, no matter how much they push…
Yesterday he told me that he just kept crying - cutting and crying. Its not as if its the first time but crying is tiring enough when it only lasts a minute, so seemingly endless sobbing every ten minutes is enough to break anyone. The thing is he thinks the crying and his inability to stop it are a sign of his weakness and his general lack of power. But its not true.
I just don’t know what to do anymore, the more I try to help the more I feel myself entering his spiral. I am just not ready to give in and let him go – not without a fight. I know that probably sounds selfish and by god it matches his post on this site. But contrary to what he might think I’m not doing it because to let him die will play on my conscience – I mean it will, but its more for the fact that he can become anything he wants and if I can just pull him back from the edge, he might just be able to live long enough to know that.
8 comments
No its not selfish at all i can understand what your friend must be going through i am going throught it myself but im working on it.my mind was changed when my daughter and grand children just turned up last night with dinner.do not give up on your friend he needs your help and support the most right now
I find it really hard to cry, my tears dried up years ago. I think your friend is very lucky to have a friend who cares so much, most of my old friends abandoned me when I was at my worst, even the ones I thought were my best!
your friend deserves someone strong to help him through this. he needs you to be strong for him. Ca you do that for him?
What do I say though? I always feel like what I say might be a trigger – when I “its going to get better” and it doesn’t what if it makes it worse…
Your post sounds like something my best (and only) friend has said about me. I can’t tell you what’s right for you to do, but I can only say how I feel about the person who is trying to save me.
It’s a sick game. If she were to quit trying, even though that’s what I tell her every day, it would be devastating to me. I would either kill myself immediately or just pack up and drive as far as possible until I run out of gas. Never come back alive. I’m guessing you wouldn’t want either of those outcomes.
So the sick game continues. I guess it’s like playing the lottery. There’s a 1 in a billion chance of winning, but if you keep sinking money into lottery tickets day after day, you’ll probably ruin yourself. Maybe gambling is a better analogy. Of course the big difference is that the gambler is in it for personal gain, but you are not. That makes it harder for you to leave. Judging by my friend, I’d say it’s impossible for you to quit.
So I would say get ready for the long haul. Do your best to cope with the downward spiral (or even figure out to have small victories) because unless he’s a total jerk who pushes you away, you’re probably in it til the bitter end.
Suicide is like cancer. I would say to treat your friend’s condition as if it is cancer. Try to cure it, yes, but also expect that maybe the best you can do is make his last days more comfortable. You really get the raw end of the deal. I’m so sorry for you, just like I’m sorry for my friend who, probably soon, will have to accept my death.
Thank you; you might not believe it but you have given me an answer that is more than I could have hoped for. The cancer analogy is good – it conquers and destroys, just like his depression. I intend to stay at it till the end but I just silently hope there wont be one just yet.
Thank you and stay strong…
Oh just a bit of hopefully helpful advice, since my post above was so depressing and unhelpful…
Try to avoid saying things like “it’ll work out” or “it’s going to get better.” I know with me, when I hear those statements, I take it as a promise that the person will make it get better. And when it doesn’t, I start to resent them. (Unfair, I know. But this is how depressed people often think.)
Instead, when he talks about how life sucks, do your best to agree with everything he says. Maybe even exaggerate how bad it is. The idea is reverse-psychology, so you’ll get him to argue that maybe it’s not that bad.
Example: suppose he wrecks his car and says life sucks because it’s in the shop. Instead of being positive and saying “we can walk and get exercise”, maybe you could say “Wow, that really sucks. So now you’re totally stuck in your house for the next 2 weeks. Need me to bring you some supplies?”
Anyway, that’s the kind of trick that would probably work on a dumbass like me. And when we get hopelessly depressed, we all turn into dumbasses :s
Wow I’m so happy that it helped 🙂 You sound like a very good person, and that plus some dedication is half the battle. I hope you keep posting with updates because it’s interesting and helpful to apply your perspective to my own condition.