So here I go I guess….. It says you can post stories of survival here so I hope I can at least inspire one person to stop, think and realise that life is worth living. I was a guy who had everything, a steady job, a great fiancée, an amazing kid (with another on the way) and a happy home life. One day it all took a turn for the worse, I had been angry at work, the stress and workload was getting to me and I was taking it out on my partner (not physically) but I was grumpy and moody all the time, it didn’t take much to piss me off.
One day I went off, more than I should have and I think I scared my partner (a regret I’ll carry to my grave) and she had enough, she told me to leave. I couldn’t believe it, but what did I expect? To keep going on as we were? That would’ve been good for no one.
So I packed my things into a bag and moved back to my mom’s and cried virtually every night, I’m 23 now I was 22, I have no shame in admitting I cried, every damn night. I was away from the woman I loved and my kid, it was tearing me apart. It took 2 weeks before I had enough out home, I cleared out my account and found a house to rent so I could be near my son, however I thought this would help my problems, it didn’t. My ex and I were still at each others throats and safe to say I wasn’t exactly father of the year. I had my own place yet I never took my son, I rarely spoke to my ex and I was miserable in work all the time. Anyway I’m gonna skip ahead a few months here, I trudged along in a state of depression and sadness, not interacting with anyone and alienating and getting rid of all my friends….. I was completely alone, I had no-one. Or so I thought.
One night I had enough, my ex partner and I were just about passable with each other and spoke only for the kids sake. I was at her house and I kissed my children goodnight and i hugged my ex and kissed her on the cheek I said “goodbye” I fully intended it to be. I went home and took the note I had written to my ex, my family and to my best friend. I left them at the front door. I had bought rope from a local hardware store and had it strung up to a support beam of the garage of the house I was renting. I went outside, I stood on a chair and tightened the rope around my neck and kicked the chair away…. I saw everything my life, my decisions, my failures…. I felt darkness come over me and i was gone…. My death took place at 9:55 pm and at 11:00 I was awake again. I woke up hardly able to breathe my eyes and throat were burning and I couldn’t speak. I am a straight up Atheist and I hold no aspirations that this was a miracle, I merely lucked out…. the rope snapped. While unconscious/dead/whatever I had a dream, I saw my kids grow up, I saw the sadness my death caused everyone who knew me and I didn’t want to be responsible for that, more importantly I wanted to be there for my kids, I wanted to be the father I had failed to be up until that point. I turned my life around that night, I am closer than ever with my ex (we’re like best friends) I have my kids every weekend and I see them nearly every day during the week.
What I’m sayin’ is getting to this point is NOT easy, I battled and fought with every personal demon I had to reach the level I’m at today. What I want to say is, there is a reason to go on, you just have to find yours at times it may be really hard to see, but everyone, EVERYONE has a reason to live….
Thanks for listening/reading
“Needles”
4 comments
when you kicked the chair how long did it take till you blacked out and was it painfull?
It didn’t take long and yes it hurt, more than I ever imagined. Not just physically but emotionally too. I posted this to make people see that they don’t needa do what I done. So if your thinkin of doing something I implore you, don’t. think of everything your leaving behind
That’s why I picked up the rope rated for 235lbs instead of 135lbs. So no brain damage? I wonder how long u were hangin
the only problem is that we as humans can’t learn from others’ experiences. we need to go through the same thing to learn the same lesson. i understand what you’re saying and what you saw and went through but it means nothing to me until i go through it too. regardless, thank you for your story. it helped.