I haven’t had one of these ‘episodes’ in a while. I woke up crying, and haven’t stopped all day. Now it’s 6PM and I realise I have been crying in bed all day. I haven’t eaten anything.
Why do I have to keep suffering? Why can’t I just be healthy and happy like everyone else. Why do I have to go through this…
I want it to stop, but I don’t even think cutting would make me feel better… I just want to fall asleep and never wake up…
3 comments
when i get depressed i either eat, sleep, masturbate, go shopping, or see a friend i hope one of these works for you and dont think about how everyone else feels youre not everyone else, in my psycology class i learned that one of the worst sources of stress we have comes from negative comparisons to everyone else and feelings of inadequacy. For me watching other people live happy normal lives often makes me feel miserable so i just try to get away from everyone every now and then. im sorry if im patronizing, i know i more than likely dont know what your going through but i think it would brighten your day abit if u just take a personal day and forget about people for a while
hard to commit suicide… really hard :O
@hateself;
I agree, I usually try other things like masturbate, sleep, watch movies/anime, exercise or do origami, but this time, I just couldn’t even fathom the energy to move. I haven’t been like that for a long time, but now that my mind is less groggy I can see that I didn’t want to help myself.
I often isolate myself in those moments and all reason leaves my mind. It’s like my brain is punishing me subconsciously, making me feel stuck, like I was totally helpless and powerless. It’s odd, looking back now, I could have helped myself out of this ‘episode’ much faster. I’ll try to look out for these signs next time, so I can help myself.
Thank you for the reply, I appreciate it more than you know.
I too, hate seeing others leading normal lives, with normal struggles. I often wonder what it is like. It’s depressing seeing another life that is just out of reach from you, that you will never know.
@BadGuardian;
I am well aware of this, and although in the past I have been suicidal I believe today I felt more stuck, like living or dying were just as bad as one another, and sleeping seemed like the best option. I hope I make sense, I guess I just mean, I can’t suicide, I’m stuck here now. But thanks for your reply.