weak personality

my stupidness has prevented me from connecting to an angel. i had so many opportunities to ask her out, but my substace abuse destroyed my personality. i cant talk like i used too. she doesnt like me anymore. very seldom do women come into my life. i cried for three months everyday. and now she avoids me. i cant kill myself, but i dont want to be a fucking zombie. brain cells do not regenerate, but feelings do.