Day and night I want to die. I think what do I have to offer ? My son would be better off without me my wife already left me and its not like my parents would really give a flying crap that there stepson died. I have spent three months looking for a job and 2 of those months I never got to see my son. everyday the words die die die, kill your self, there better off without you plays through my head like the Masters drums. it just keeps getting worse and no matter what meds the doctors give me its still there. […]
Has anyone ever kept years worth of emotion bottled up to the point where you’re afraid to release it anymore? to the point that you feel every ounce of rage you can muster suddenly flare whenever the slightest thing irritates you?
This is my third post. It’s been a couple weeks since my last and I’ve gotten a bit better; my first two posts would’ve persuaded any psychiatrist I was ready and willing to commit suicide. I’ve gotten better. Things have started looking up a bit. But that pain still lingers. And with it, an anger I can’t even begin to describe. All my life I’ve […]
As of right now, I’m at the bottom of the pit. If you look at my charts, I should be doing okay. But I feel so utterly depressed. I haven’t smoked weed or cigarettes in a month, and I’m not abusing my medicine. I’m also seeing a therapist and have hung out with my friends more often. Well, my clean friends that is.
Of course there’s a dark side though. I started drinking again. It’s not a lot, but I know it’s not good for me. Honestly though, if I don’t have a piece of the old me, I fear I’ll go insane. The thing is, […]
I have been married for 25 years to the love of my life.Three months ago I was diagnosed with non small cancer of the lung and mets to the brain. Inoperable. One week later i found out my wife has been having an affair for three years. when I confronted her about it she told me she did not love me and has not most of our marriage. She stayed because I was a great provider and safe choice. she told me she has had six affairs in all. I am a broken man. She will not even take me to my chemo treatments. I […]
This Saturday, I’m going to a One Republic concert. I was really excited because I was bringing my best friend Kathrine and my other friend Morgan. Morgan and I used to be best friends, but she started ignoring me this year. In school, she would give me these short bullshit answers every time I tried to talk to her. We used to sit right next to each other, but she put two people between us. And then when we got home from school she would text me, acting as if she’d never done those things. So, I started ignoring her outside of school. She got […]
Last night i broke down. Just completely lost it…again. i thought i was better, i thought i was fine. I obviously thought wrong. It happened out of nowhere. I don’t know what triggered it, i don’t understand. I was watching a movie, it wasnt a sad movie, and i just started crying. Started thinking. I had this urge, this itch, something was pulling me, egging me on. I had to cut, i had to let this pain out. So i did. And then i realized how much of a fuck up i am. I just threw three months of being self harm free down the […]
I’ve read a few stories of sexual abuses, and I can relate. I guess that’s a round about way of putting it. After finding myself with no place to live at eighteen, I joined the Marines. After boot camp, I married my high school sweetheart, who then had an affair with my neighbor while I was at work. Shortly after discovering that, while working through a law suit, I had to then work through no pay due for three months… Begging charities to put food on the table for my wife who was sleeping around behind my back.
I meet a new woman, who’s the love […]
my stupidness has prevented me from connecting to an angel. i had so many opportunities to ask her out, but my substace abuse destroyed my personality. i cant talk like i used too. she doesnt like me anymore. very seldom do women come into my life. i cried for three months everyday. and now she avoids me. i cant kill myself, but i dont want to be a fucking zombie. brain cells do not regenerate, but feelings do.
I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m so uncertain of everything. My mind is playing tricks on me. I have no idea what’s going on in my mind. Depression has taken over every part of my life. It’s taken over my thoughts, emotions, and actions. I feel like I’ve fallen off the right track. I feel like I have no control over my own life. I just don’t understand. Why did this happen? Does it even matter? If I get better am I just going to fall back down and feel as miserable as I do now?
I wish I wasn’t born. I wish […]
I have decided to end it all. Almost a year and a half ago my youngest son cut me out of his life because his girlfriend didnt like the choices I made about my business. They wont talk to me nor will they allow me to see my grandchildren. They have always been close to me til now. They have lived next door to us for over 5 years until this conflict. My grandson is only 7 so untill the estrangement he always was next door. I now have a grand daughter that I dont even know or would even recongnize if I did see […]
For the past three months I’ve been a recluse. I was in college, excited about life, happy, and i was in control of my depression. Now I’m too depressed to continue school, scared of the future, want no future, and I just don’t have the will to live. I don’t want to continue life. I’ve been suffering and I’ve tried to manage my depression with medication, therapy, and alternative treatments. I’m honestly willing to electrocute myself to cure my suffering. I spend my days at home playing with my dogs and watching tv. My therapist and psychiatrist are pushing me to get back into the […]
I’m to much of Â coward to do it quick and easy.
I’m using my eating disorder to die. Not too much time left until that happens I’m sure. I lost 40 pounds in three months and its still going. 83 pounds and losing.
I cant take it anymore. I miss the old me..you know that happy one. That tiny with the actual happy smiles. The real smiles. Im so tired and i cant even find something i like anymore. i could say i want to get better. I’ve tried, many times. But the only time i feel happy is when im with one of my friends…well used to be friend. He helped me through everything. Yet, i pushed him away. He never gave up. ever. he probably still has hope for some reason im scared to be with him. My girlfriends wo i barely tell anything to has […]
Yesterday I attended the funeral of a young woman from work who committed suicide. She was 24, exceptionally talented, well-travelled, enthusiastic, professional and extremely insightful with a social conscience and maturity years beyond her age. Was this womanâ€™s experience similar to mine? I am in my late twenties. When I was 21 I attempted suicide. To others, I had everything to live for. I was healthy and athletic, Iâ€™d been accepted into a highly competitive course at a prestigious university, and my family was loving and supportive. Those around me did not understand the course of my depression and anxiety, and despite my efforts to […]
I sit there, curious about the cut on her arm. She looks sad. Did she do it on purpose? My mommy is crying, she’s crying over Sophie’s body. Sophie did hurt herself.
“Mommy, what happened?” I ask.
My mommy just looks at me. She looks very, very sad. I think I didn’t ask the right thing. “Sophie hurt herself very bad.”
I am confused. Then I hear my big brother, my worst enemy, Joshua, come in. He looks at Sophie, who still hasn’t woken up, and this look of rage enters his face. He starts screaming bad things at me. “It’s yourÂ fault!”
“Why where you even born!?”
“You waste […]
Well I think its time to tell people why I cut and why I think Iâ€™m depressed. It starts off like all the rest, happy family, with money, love ect.. When I was about four years of age I was working in the farm with my daddy and my sixteen year old cousin, my dad left to get some food for the cattle, I was sitting on a lump of hay. My cousin comes up to me and starts fingering me. It was not a good experience for me and I couldnâ€™t get him to stop. I think he would have gone a lot further […]
90% of my thoughts are suicide.
I can never be happy, I’m convinced. I cry literally every day and I’m just really sick of it. I used to be normal, I really did. Then, I started high school.
In the beginning of my freshman year, I made some new friends. About three months into the year, for whatever reason, these “friends” decided that they didn’t like me very much anymore. I was severely bullied by them for the next two years, which caused me to start self-harming.
As soon as this started, I met a boy on the internet. He seemed nice enough, whatever. Over the next three […]
My chest hurts. Everything from my chest up hurts, stressed. This guy i was dating for three months let me go cuz he disnt think he could try the distance thing anymore. He lives two hrs away and did well at seeing me every 2 weeks on the weekends and now he just couldnt believe in us anymore. Things were so great i was falling for him and he was for me too. I feel like im not worth anything. Im not worth it. Ive had so many relationships that now i feel that no one will love me. I have no one. I moved […]
I know that this is kind of late, but I just wanted say my piece of what I was thankful for.
I am thankful for the watch that my father bought me; without it, I would never be able to tell the time or know how much time has past. You see, my watch isn’t fancy, and it isn’t too cheap, but its perfect for me because it’s very symbolicÂ to me. My watch symbolizes how much my father really cares that I know what time it is, how he went out of his way to buy me something that was smallÂ even thoughÂ it mattered to me. My […]