I’ve come to the conclusion that in my life it would be best if I felt nothing ever. I’m never really happy, but sadness, anxiety, anger, frustration tends to surround me completely at this point. I need to move along in my life and I think the only way I could do that is to feel nothing. I don’t want emotions. For me it’s either I wish to have never existed or feel nothing. I can only do one of those at this point. If anyone knows of antidepressant meds that could help me accomplish this? Or any other way?
like honestly, I think the only thing keeping me walking is…well that’s just it, I can’t think of a reason anymore. But I don’t want to end it either, I’ve tried that too many times and failed. I just want to walk like a zombie.
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Wow. Get out of my brain. I spend most of the time wanting this. I thought I wanted to feel happy – too much work! I just want to stop feeling. Feeling EVERYTHING, I feel EVERYTHING not just what happens to me, what happens to your neighbor and my cat and the clerk at the grocery store and that tree and my shoes and it all feels terrible. It feels like acid dripping over my skin everyday then restoring itself while I sleep (when I do) and doing it all over.
Have you every considered BPD or Bipolar I? I’ve never gotten a for sure diagnosis out of the 10 I have but those 2 things are what I most closely align with. I’ve heard Prozac can make you all zombied out but can also make you suicidal. I was on Zoloft (sertraline actually, the generic form) for a while, it helped tremendously with my anxiety. Not so much with the rapid mood cycling but I went without a panic attack for the 2 years I was on it.
Thinking of you.
There are drugs that do what you are looking for, there is also weed.