Some lives are harder than others

I know that many people probably have lives that are worse than mine. I am lucky to have caring parents, a house to live in and food to eat. Though my life at home is pretty good, at times it can be rough. When my brother turned 18, he got a tattoo and my parents yelled at him many days for over 3 months. That was when I first started to cut. I had built up an act to make people like me. I held in all my emotions for several years. That was until I started middle school. In the summer of 2010, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer(he is getting better). That was what pushed me off the edge. The night I learned about my dads cancer, I waited until my parents were asleep. I took a rope out with me and was ready to strangle myself. I had a knife just in case. I sat down on my trampoline with the rope around my neck and started to think of how this would affect others. I ended up cutting the rope off of my neck. Though now I have a scar on my neck. My parents never found out about my attempted suicide. After that day, I went back to cutting. I told my friend sara who is older than me about my cutting. Sara helped me through it. Then 7th grade started and she was in highschool. I started to close myself off from those around me after my 2 friends, Jordan and Renzo passed away. I ended my friendship with my bestfriend who I had fallen in love with but she didn’t feel that same and I couldn’t bare the feelings. She had taken my 2 rough edged pocket knifes so I then went to razors then to safety pins. My best friend and I recently made up and I started to recover from depression but then it came back and the cutting started again. I just didn’t know what to do. The rumors after I had come out as bisexual were to much for me and I ended up cutting even more. I kept getting called a fag and a dyke. I felt like a waste of space, a piece of trash, a mistake. I then started to talk to a person who had been through alot as well. Anna helped me understand that the things people said about me behind my back were just their stupidity. I got better and finally accepted myself as who I am, a lesbian. A proud one at that. But a few days ago, my depression came back worse than ever and I don’t know what to do. Any advice?