What’s wrong with me.

I’m writing a reply here cuz I think it’s the story I kinda relate with the most.
I’m here too because of a love problem so big that’s made me wanna go away from this life. I’m 21 and I also fell in love with the greatest girl in the world, but to make a long story short, she was one of my best friends ex and even when we did have a secret relationship, he ended up knowing and we had to stop seeing each other and to make a long story short now she’s moving to another city to leave everything behind and I’m left here without her wondering of I will ever find someone as good as her.
Enough with my story, I feel the same thing, no one knew about our shity relationship and just as you said I have to fake smiles and say everything is all right to my parents and friends. I’ve been in depression for the past 6 months and I’m scared just to think how much longer this is gonna go.
I fuckin come home from school and start crying for no reason. When ever I’m with friends or in school my head gets distracts for a while and I’m sometimes able to stop thinking of everything, but when I’m alone it sucks.
Somking weed has helped me, as stupid as people might think it can be, it’s my antidepressant. I e also turned to other drugs to try a d take the pain away for a while, but that only helps for a few hours.
What ever, I’ve been considering taking my life but I think I don’t have the balls, it takes a lot of courage to make that decision.
I can only tell you to try and live this rough time without thinking so much in all this.
Try to do stuff that will distract you. One thing I can tell you is that your life will change a lot through the years, your 15. Imagine yourself in 5 years, everything will be different, you might or might not be with him then but you will probably be around lots of different people that you don’t have right now.
Things DO change through time, sometimes they take longer but every suffering, sadness and sorrow will go away one day. Just wait. Nothing lasts forever, not pain not love.