Hey it’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything, life has been ok but I still sit around the house on days when no ones home and cry. Still so concentrated on suicide that it takes up about half my day and its still hard to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning, I really don’t know why I’m still living but I have made myself a promise to not kill myself till I’m 25. Seeing that I’m about to be 19 in august it gives me 6 years to be sure that life is as bad as how I see it now I mean what do I have to loose, if it gets worse I end my pain and if it gets better then I get to live out the rest of my days pain free.
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Hi there, I’ve read all your post, trying to get a good idea for who you are but I still can’t understand what’s making you so depressed. I know it’s hard, and your story sounds so much like mine in some ways. I’ve been out of that frame of mind for many years now, able to live my life better, in some form or another. Let me tell you, if you suffer from pain now it’s never gonna go away. I’ve learned to accept pain and move on. I’ve taken comfort in helping others because its validating as a person and gives me perpose. I’ve taken time to look inside myself and reflect on what I want, and what the world has to offer. You know what..it offers endless possibilities. If your anything like me, you don’t want to die, you want to live..more than ever. It takes hard work and focus, but after that the world is yours. It’s yours to create with. And your mind..you can control what makes you happy, and you can find what you need in life. You can have the attitude to say.. “I’m gonna fucking do it!”
One way to save yourself is to pull a complete 360 and be that person who reaches out and helps another person. Life can’t be meaningless cuz we question our purpose so often. We have to create purpose in our lives, and create a purpose for those around us. That’s when we start seeing why we are here. We just have to hold out as long as we can and never give up! Good luck!