I don’t know how to make decisions. Even small decisions baffle me so how am I supposed to make decisions regarding suicide (do I really do it? how? when?). How do you make crucial decisions when you cannot foresee the future? Let’s say my future is going to be three more years. I have a wasting condition so those will certainly be suffering years. However, I could commit to grit my teeth and bear it because I know my suffering will be done in three years. That will save my family from the pain of losing me by suicide. That way I won’t have to go suddenly and they’ll have time to prepare.
Or let’s say my future is fifteen more years (god forbid). Let’s say someone sends a picture of my wretched disfigured body all over the internet so that the whole world makes fun of me like the kids all did in high school (this happens all the time to disfigured folks). So now it’s not just disease but public humiliation. And its fifteen years. And I’m in hell.
The question is, without foresight into the future, how are we ever supposed to know what is the best choice?
6 comments
You have to listen to you own inner voice. Everything else is superfluous.
Its hard but you need to follow your heart (cliché, I know) and really think about your options.
I dont think that most people enjoy making decisions, usually its really hard and sometimes you get painful or sad results.. but at the end, someone has to or nothing will be done.
Choice,choices and more choices …..no matter what you chose you will eventually be forced to chose death. So your choice is now or later. Your family will lose you to the disease or to suicide. If by suicide at least you didnt suffer for the additional time. Sadly people do make fun of others because of looks (I know this all too well I was on the receiving end) and if you are disfigured people make even more heartless jokes and comments. I say fuck this world. you will die one way or the other so its really just an illusion of choice. If you dont choose……you die……you do choose….you die……which one do you choose?
I don’t believe anyone here can give you a clear answer to your question that’s right for you. Your situation sounds very unique. I have a degenerative spine disorder, but it’s not killing me, it’s just turning me into a cripple very slowly. I haven’t been given any limitations to living a long life but I still have to ask myself everyday if I want to keep living this way, knowing that the worst pain is yet to come. I feel so helpless sometimes, and no one can understand the anguish I feel.
I just try to do my best not to feel sorry for myself, I focus on the good parts about life that are left. Even though times can seem to crush the life out of me, I try to keep in mind that the point of living is not how much time i have in this life, or who I am in the eyes of others. The point is to just live, and it’s how you spend your time doing that, that will define who you are in the eyes of those you leave behind.
Sometimes, it takes me half an hour to decide whether to order a latte or a flat American coffee in the morning.
I always think a coin toss is good for decissons its pure chamce, completely umbiased luck, I dont really see a farer way of making decissions. From what I gather you will die (we all will at some stage) what seems to be the question is now or later? There is no right answer to this, ergo theres no wrong one either. Id say go with your gut feeling or flip a coin. I dont mean to make it sound trivial decission by saying toss a coin so appolagies if it comes out that way. I also have troubke with decissions. Most of them I end up seccond guessing myself, wondering if im only making the.because of the way the chemicals in my brain are ballanced and if I held off a week would I decide the exact oposite? (sometimes I actually do)