I remember what I used to be like…. It was so long ago it seems… If I could see myself now and then nothing would match I don’t even look the same. I don’t know what started me down this dark road but I no longer see the light. I remember feeling happy but I don’t remember what being happy feels like. I cant focus anymore my thoughts are trapped in a cage with no opening. I cant even read a book and remember simple details about the book or even what I just read. Now I just feel like a rock on the side of the road. I hate my memories …even the happy ones because they remind me of times, events, friendships and places that don’t exist and will NEVER exist again.
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So.. your problem is? You seemed depressed, not suicidal. Just my OP.
I take that back. You seem okay enough to identify trolls. Precisely. Heh.
My problems make me depressed not ignorant. a cat is a cat a dog is a dog and a troll is a troll depressed or not
PainNlife…your words could be mine. If we are here next year, there will be new relationships and experiences, but when looking back the past is always remembered better than we experienced it at the time. I felt similar pain and grief in my life 10 years as I do now, it just bangs around inside my head a little louder now. I am a little harder on myself (as likely you are) and when we have gotten to this point, it’s hard to see anything worthwhile 1 month from now, let alone a year. Reminiscing and nostalgia bring me pain too. For simpler times when I didn’t feel empty and lost and alone. I know that feeling and I know how badly that longing causes you pain.
@Nanoz – depressed or suicidal…we are here because we are hurting and likely you are too.
thats exactly how I feel painNlife. I got no advice at this point. All im saying is can relate completely.
I know it is impossible but deep down my greatest desire is to travel back in time. I hate my future because it is bleak. Its so hard watching the seconds slip away so fast knowing the good times are further and further away with each little moment that passes. You are right about being hard on myself because I know its partially my fault Im depressed. No matter what I tell myself the feeling linger and eat at me and Im so sick of people telling me to “pull yourself up” and “people are in worse situations” it makes me feel like Im being stigmatized. I just dont want to exist anymore
PainNlife – When I meant ‘hard on yourself’ – I was referring to our tendency to ruminate about the bad stuff and not be able to focus on anything different. I do it too. I don’t think it’s partially your fault your depressed, but for a lot of us it’s a pattern of feelings and thinking that is difficult to change unless we really figure out what the ‘activating event’ was.
I won’t tell you to “pull yourself up” because it’s not that easy. Otherwise we all wouldn’t be here.