Hey . I feel much better reading all the stories. But tomorrow’s just another day when I’ll go back to bein miserable and angry and biting off people’s heads . Wish there was somethin tat would make me stop. I just want to be normal
July 2013
I am starting to get really paranoid. About everything. I ALWAYS feel like I am being lied to. All the freaking time.
I am also starting to hate everything that has to do with me. I mean, I never really liked myself but…
See that right there? I trail off way too much.
I can’t even finish a sentence.
Kill me, please. I really don’t want to be here.
Just when you think everything has turned around an your life is getting better it just fucks you over. Well at least how it turned for me..
I wished to die. Many times. Sometimes I would like awake at night, wishing that I would never wake up. I hate my job. My job hates me, My mom blames me for everything. My brother calls me stupid and overreacting. I can’t open up to anyone because they’ll think I am being overly dramatic. It hurts. And outside, I pretend to be cheerful and caring because I know that that’s how people get to like you, It hurt before when my friends all left me when I became “emo.” I learned that you shouldn’t let friends know what you really feel. Well, honestly, I […]
Recently I have done a project on suicide. Some of the things that I have discovered are truly sad, and disturbing. It makes me really sad to think that someone would end there life over bullying, a lost loved one, and just because they are plain depressed. Your life is so much more worth to live and you don’t even understand. To the people around you, your life makes them feel like living. Your life is something precious to hold on to. Being bullied because your gay, bi, they say your “uglyâ€, or too “fat†please don’t believe them. Even though it’s extremely hard at […]
I continuously listen Bring Me The Horizon’s song ‘Sempiternal’. Every lyric, every phrase I understand, and relate to. I really am going nowhere, and the scary thing is, I just don’t care. I’ve lost all interest in even the slightest exciting thing in my life. I use to be a great sportswoman. I played for my local soccer club, swimming 3 times a week, and did Taekwondo for around 3 years. I was sooo happy and people often mistaken me for having ADHD, due to my hyper exciting personality. Wow, I miss it. The thing is, something changed. something happened, and it was almost as […]
The history of Earth does not indicate the existence of a supreme being that is worthy of worship.
Religion acts as an obstruction to discovering new truths.
“In the nineteenth century the problem was that God is dead; in the twentieth century the problem is that man is deadâ€
In a world where irrationality is largely the norm, rationality does not often seem to be conducive to happiness.
Tonight is the night. The night i feel the pain in my heart as my stomach turns. I cut my skin and the blood is slightly darker than normal. I look in the mirror and my eyes are coals, my hair is tar and the night is warm..stars twinkle “Do it”. Eyeing the scissors on my desk already bloody. What’s more blood? Transparent He appears to whisper how perfect tonight is…will I go through with it this time?
Drumroll please
I don’t know how to make decisions. Even small decisions baffle me so how am I supposed to make decisions regarding suicide (do I really do it? how? when?). How do you make crucial decisions when you cannot foresee the future? Let’s say my future is going to be three more years. I have a wasting condition so those will certainly be suffering years. However, I could commit to grit my teeth and bear it because I know my suffering will be done in three years. That will save my family from the pain of losing me by suicide. That way I won’t have to […]
What’s the point of even trying anymore? Â It’s clear that things will never change, these rash and stupid emotions that plague me daily will never stop no matter what drug I take or how high I get. I used to think it was just a phase, just something people go through but now I see that i’m not capable of being a “normal” person anymore, I have seen the world for what it truly is and no matter what therapy I try I can’t change how I see things. I turn 20 in august and I have so much fear of another year going by […]
Just now. It was over something really stupid, a game with my younger sisters. I was pretending to be asleep, they were trying to wake me up. Dad asked if we wanted to go to the pool. I didn’t, so I kept pretending. They mocked me, called me rude, and said they knew I would move from that position as soon as they left. Harmless kid stuff, really. But as soon as they left, I just started crying. I knew I was going to lose and I just didn’t want to lose. I looked for ways to ‘get revenge’ I found none. I took a […]
we think we are superior than animals, we are animals ourselves. our houses made of wood and rocks. that’s all we are, a speck, waiting to go back to dust. that’s all we are. why experience this life at all? what gives. it’s sad to think I used to believe in magic, magic don’t exist. happiness don’t exist. life is just some big joke, one big mistake. my thoughts are the cause of my very depression and anxiety. I envy the dead.
I’m sorry for the upcoming vent, I need to get it out.
So, I really want to kill myself right now.
I just miss my brother like hell, ever since he took his own life about 10 months ago, i haven’t been happy. Time drags me through life but i don’t want to. I don’t want to move on because it feels like forgetting. And I hate myself because i feel like i’m already starting to forget how exactly his voice sounded or how his smile was. He was my everything, besides my brother also my best friend.
Then besides that, i feel so lonely. It […]
What do you think needs to change in the world and what do you thinks are the sets needed to make make that happen?
if there was a pill that killed you instantly.
without pain would you take it.
if you had to live and smile
would you always fake it.
if you had no friends.
and reasons to die becomes a list.
would you give it all away.
and maybe slit your wrist.
if you decide to not live again never.
then why are we forced to live forever.
it’s illegal to kill.
but if its your life would you take the pill.
In 2011, I started praying for a meteor to hit the Earth so that the human race would be erased from universal history.
I’ve since then gotten more angry- for what should probably be obvious reasons. Although I am sure people don’t understand, because most people do not understand honey boo boo plots – they are simply too advanced. hmm where should I begin here?
I was born on September 11th, 1986. Well, maybe I should have taken it as a sign and offed myself on the day I turned 15 or whatever.
Well, I could begin by talking about a father whom I didn’t know because […]
I am really sick of people telling me to shut up when I voice my opinion, if you disagree state your argument …. Arguments are heathy ….don’t just cut them off and be one angry…..it’s not good for you to be angry at what I say…. I am not angry when you shout and yell, throws insults at me and talk behind my back…..sometimes I Laught a little know ing that you are upset about my opinion of the world……its funny watching close minding people dance of my thougths thinking that they are rigth just becuase they can’t look into other peoples minds lol
O.o ……due to westerner ways Japan, America, Canada has made lolliecon illegal. Lolliecon is not real children it should not be out lawned…..America is too strict……and Japan is kinda foolish to ban things like lolliecon just becuase people take other countries and stuck up people take offends
Note I do not like like lolliecon that much rape Hentai is as addicting as normal mangas/anime …..I prefer it a million more than porn, maybe even real s.x…..(real s.x seems scary)
I think that banning such things is things is wrong on the goverment, they have no rigth to harm the innocents who never physical harmed any […]
Even so.. a soft kiss from him is like that of a child’s innocence.. why does it feel so forbidden?.. such a thing like a first kiss is like a mark that shows ones rebirth yet ones own self destruction. I am a whore, a greedy one at that. I have stolen such innocence, many in fact. In my eyes the virtue of men has no value, no meaning. No one gave pity or sorry to mine, my own stolen virtue. The only thing that seems to ever matter is that kiss, the first kiss. A kiss that was taken because of my sheer stupidity […]