I just spent 3 hours reading through old journal entries and here is one I thought I’d post up.
January 15, 2008
I know that I shouldn’t try so hard to make myself happy. The fact is that I know time is running out. I don’t have much time to do the things that I need to do. So I rush and rush and I rush. Maybe a little too fast. And maybe, yes..a little too much. All I have to show for it is a broken back, a broken heart, and a broken mind. There is no familiarity..
There is no loyalty and there is no love. And maybe throughout my life I’ve never grown up. I can’t stop thinking of boyish ideas like love or even personal integrity. I make all the wrong decisions when it comes to everything, But mostly when it comes to making myself happy.
I’ve wasted time, resources and pride, trying to seek out what waits in my deepest desires…only to be let down by the one person I hate and fear the most in this world……Myself!
130 comments
I used to keep a journal. Until I found this website, it has become my journal. And I haven’t written in it for a long time, because I guess you could say I missplaced it. I forgot about it. But today I woke up at six am for no reason, layed there for a while then somehow I got on here, remembered my username and password and got on like I owned the place.
Well that’s kinda how I feel too. Except I first came here just over a month ago 🙂 and I agree..you should feel like you own it no matter how long it’s been, we all should feel like we belong here. I wish making friends and self expression was as easy in real life. lol
Thanks for the comment and welcome back!
Anytime 🙂 and thanks! Glad to be back, could have used this website many times in the last few months. And yes, I wish it were this easy in real live too.
I used to keep a journal… and then they invented Facebook. Now I can just bore everybody in the world with just a few lines of text. 🙂
and welcome, RT30. You’re a cool SP’r.
Ha ^^ true dat! I post my live on Facebook haha. I probably do bore people most the time
Some of the stuff I set to “only me” so that I don’t hurt too many people’s eyes…. but some stuff goes out to all…. and I pray for them… lol
I’m just kidding… but seriously some of the stuff isn’t THAT exciting… I don’t take pictures of hamburgers and traffic lights…. but sometimes my life isn’t that much more exciting… lol
Haha if y’all saw someone of the stuff on my facebook haha. Sometimes when I’m on here I wonder if I know any of the people on here.
It’s a small world… I used to add people for some of the games I played on Facebook… and I actually ran into this person at a Home Depot (hardware store). I had no idea they lived by me. Small world… sometimes very small!
Haha that’s cool 🙂 I’ve never talked to anyone here in the states, so that has never happened to me.
I love Home Depot! Haha I walk around that place for house, and Lowes too
Home Depot –is– awesome… Lowes is a little easier to navigate but Home Depot does have everything.
That’s what I like about the internet… We can meet people from everywhere. 🙂
lol
Exactly, you said you were in the states right? Sorry I don’t remember I’ve been on like 5 posts in the last half hour.
I’m in the states… and i think you are, too.
#RT30 what country you in? 🙂
-also I like walmart…. they have food!!!!!! Lol
lol… the posts start to inter-connect…
hi RT30!
My opinion of Home Depot is different! lol but I work in construction so it might be slightly different from my angle. But they do have everything for my home yes! 🙂 hehe
Yupp the good ole states 🙂
Walmart has food…. and EVERYTHING! lol…
and the Super-Walmarts are even bigger…. and open 24 hours 🙂
USA!!!! Whoo Hooo!!! lol
True dat, walmart has beds and tvs too lol and bikes 🙂 they also have xboxs that you can play on while others shop lol haha
Y’all are honestly the first people I have talked to that are in the US
I wish we had a super Walmart near here…our Walmart is everything but super! lol but they recently improved it! lol now they sell gansitos in bulk! 😀
… and walmart has music and electronics and clothes and … wow… it’s like infinity. they just have everything! lol
the nearest walmart to here, rt30, is not a superwalmart… technically… but it has groceries and it’s 24 hours… so not sure what the diff is.
Well I live in the city, so there is a walmart every now and then lol
there are a few walmarts, a target, and a kohls pretty close to here… i like target better, actually but walmart has the lowest prices by far
You know I was wondering the same thing because mine has groceries too like produce..and that’s really what was improved the most. Their old produce was a joke! lol and this is a mostly farming community around here! lol
But still..I’m waiting for a Fresh and Easy store to open up! 😛 that and a Hooter’s! lol
^^ # RT30 there is a hooters like a mile away from my house.
The one here has groceries…. fresh produce, too… really good, actually… better than it used to be… and it’s always PACKED…. You need to shop at 2am to avoid the lines… or use the self checkout
Hooters? it’s been a while… lol…. i didn’t know they sold groceries. lol
But there is no way anyones getting me in there. Lol
I live in a small town and we have lots of different stores and places to eat. They are all very close to me, closer than in most big cities I’ve noticed, which is really cool. I imagine that at this rate we will have one of everything in town by 2015….
But for some reason this small town has 2 Safeway stores!! Who does that?? lol
lol, wishing…. if Hooters has good prices on soda, milk, bread, and produce, i’ll go back in…. just sayin’ 🙂
Haha ya wen did they start selling groceries?? 🙂
Oooo I love safeway! 🙂
We have quite a few grocery stores, RT30… one is ACROSS THE STREET from a walmart… the grocery store came first and, sadly, they’re probably clinging to survival.
i miss safeway… i haven’t seen one in ages… they were nice, clean, and stocked.
#distant.road I’ve never been to hooters
@distant- LMFAO!!!
We have so many hooters within a 30-45 min drive from here it’s not even funny! lol
Ok you 2..I gotta run for now! This was a fun convo. 🙂 ill see you all later! Piece!!
Isn’t safeway a west coast thing?
i’ve been to hooters twice… once with a friend’s mom because she actually wanted to go! the second time was to take the boss out for his birthday after work. if the boss wants to go, the boss goes… lol
when i lived along the mid-atlantic, we had some safeway stores… i know safeway is big out west, too.
Buh bye RT30 🙂 nice chatting with ya 🙂
Talk to you soon, RT30!!
It is kinda huge on the west coast lol speciaaly where I used to live.
i’ve been to pathmark, shop rite, piggly wiggly, a&p, kroger… none compared to safeway. A few H-E-B supermarkets had a great experience…. but safeway was hard to match.
walmart is everywhere so they are the 1,000 pound beast… if it wasn’t for price, i probably would look elsewhere.
West Coast is the home of Starbucks….. NICE! 🙂
Lol. I just realized I haven’t checked my facebook in like an hour I was like oops lol. Didn’t miss anything though.
Oooo I love starbuck!!, ICED MOCHAS!! Lol
lol… I have FB on the mobile… so I’m never too far from FB… I wouldn’t want to experience withdrawal symptoms being too far from FB…. 🙂
FRAPPUCCINOS! 🙂 I think I’ve been to hundreds of Starbucks… literally… everywhere I go and see one, I stop and get something. 🙂
Haha for real, I have mine on mobile too, I just haven’t checked my phone either lol. I think my dad is the only one I talk to latly, and my friend Kenneth.
I think the best news I got on FB was a post by the Yankees that they had one… Seeing that they had won a game makes FB worth having. I talk to a couple of people but my life isn’t THAT exciting that I have CNN LIVE NONSTOP BREAKING NEWS to share all day, every day… 🙂
Sorry if you’re not a Yankees fan but… it’s your loss. :p
*won
Lol I’m not a huge baseball fan, I mean ya I watch it but I don’t keep up with it. I am a Hockey person 🙂
ok…. that’s your polite way of saying you hate the yankees… but i respect your politeness. thanks. 😉
hockey? what team? i used to like the rangers… then i realized that i played better hockey. 🙂
Lol I didn’t say I hated them. I just don’t keep up with baseball enough to say I like or dislike a team.
Lmao haha. I’m a boston bruins fan all the way
So you’re being politically correct as to avoid saying you hate the yankees…. and because you like the bruins, you probably like the red sox….
but i’ll return the kindness by not calling the red sox a STINKY, LOSING, IDIOTIC, INCOMPETENT team because you were nice to the yankees. 🙂 🙂
the bruins? not bad… did you used to live in new england?
Not a Sox fan. Nope uhn uhn. I would choose yankees over either of the Sox any day.
Nope haven’t ever lived there before.
sad to say, i’m now hockeyless when it comes to teams… perhaps one day… but not yet…
although, i do like going to the Garden to see a bruins game. have you seen one in person?
Nope, sadly. Never seen a hockey game in person. I’ve sen a baseball game in person. It was Rangers vs Astros 🙂
I love Minute Maid Park… I’ve been there a few times. Back when there was a Six Flags in Houston, we’d have an awesome day… Six Flags during the day… and a baseball game at night. 🙂
*seen
I bet that was fun 🙂 . I love the way it can be an indoor ball park or out door lol, I’ve never seen something like that before
It was pretty bad A
There are a few parks with a sliding roof… pretty nice! Personally, I prefer the roof to be open. 🙂
I’m also a big big fan of amusement parks… i’ve been to most of the Six Flags and I try to see Mickey when i can.. 🙂
nice…
Oooooo cool 🙂 .I’ve never been to a six flags. I’ve been to cedar point though
I’ve been to Cedar Point in Ohio as part of a group visit…. We headed out on a bus for the day. It was GREAT!!
Six Flags is pretty nice… There are lots of local competitors to it…. The only real king of the parks is Disney…. That you HAVE TO get to at least once! 🙂
I went to the one in Ohio too. 🙂
Haha, I’ll try to get out there sometime
Ok…. Mickey sent me a FB message saying he was looking for you. 🙂
PIZZA is also a good thing in life. If you don’t like pizza, I think that violates SP policy.
Haha. Oh boy, quite the random person are we? Don’t worry I’m the same way. And yes I love pizza, it is a must have in live! Hockey, pizza, and dr.pepper. I could live like that lol and music. Have to have music.
lol… I saw an ad for pizza…. thus reminding me of the necessity of pizza.
Yes… Sometimes I can be random…. not all the time… but sometimes spontaneity works.
Dr. Pepper is good…. definitely good… as is Mountain Dew and Code Red.
What type of music do you listen to?
Ohhh hostess twinkie how I love you. Lol
IT listen to literly almost everything lol
And ya code red is deff. The best
lol… twinkies? that was random…. and i’m glad they’re back.
everything is good… so i guess you listen to the harmonica station on the radio? nice. :p
code red is good… no doubt.
Haha, sorry, my uncle gave me a twinkie.
Oh yes, gotta listen to someone harmoica lol.
I’m listening to Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’ album The Heist atm 🙂 .
Hmmn…. I haven’t heard of that album… I might have to check it out. Hopefully, Ryan Lewis doesn’t play the harmonica much… or I might fall asleep… or suffer ear damage.
nothing wrong with twinkies… and they’re back and still cheap at walmart…
walmart had these other creme-filled things but they stunk…. lol
oh… and…. where’s my twinkie? tell your uncle to share… 😉
Lol I’ll express mail u one 😉
And ya its got my favorite, can’t hold us on it, along with thriftshop, same love,1000 hours, castle and someone more, its an hour and 16 minutes long 🙂 and don’t worry no harmonicas lol. I also listen to country music and well almost anything that is on.
I’ll be expecting that Express Mail… I just went and told the mailman I want my Twinkie promptly… When I offered to share it with him, he said he’d go find the package. It should be here soon.
That sounds like a cool album. I listen to everything too…. from Christian to Country to Dance to Light to Rock to Jazz to Classical to static. Ok, maybe not a lot of static but a decent amount of the rest. It really depends on the moment as to what music I have on.
I’ll have to youtube those songs you mentioned… they sound pretty cool.
I’m on YouTube right now, I’ve been playing their album over and over again for the last three days 🙂
And haha on of my many common sayings is I will “express mail” stuff to people, or I ask then to express mail stuff to me 🙂
*one
i’ll express mail you something… I’m going to express mail you a bill for eating a twinkie without sharing… like a fine. then i’ll express mail you a bill for sending the original bill.
You’ve been playing their album for three days? Isn’t that traumatic? my heart goes out to your poor ears.
yes… i forgot… youtube is cheaper than walmart. for now, anyways. 🙂
Bahahaha ok then, you do that.
Ya three days, its a good album. 🙂
Oh and what time zone are you in?
And are you up for a new friend on FB?
@distant & wishingT.W.O.-
LMAO!! You people are so funny! That was a fun read!! 🙂
And for some reason my retarded Walmart store advertises the twinkies but those little bastard cakes are a no show!! lol what a cruel world! hehehe
Lmao haha yes we have had quite the conversatuon, welcome back, I think #distant.road left for a bit idk, haven’t commented for a lil while.
Me and my wife were looking for a pet shop that use to be downtown but it closed down..then we started looking up pet shops and aquariums online. Long story short..we are too broke and pets shops are too damn far to make the trip! And now I’m back..for now! lol
Haha that works! 🙂 welcome back, I was getting lonely lol. I was like oh O.o ok then, I shall go back to FB for a bit, then I saw ur comment and was like yay lol
O.o .-_- can’t find my phone.. hmmmmm lol
Awwww lol
So..are you m/f? Age?
East coast?
I’m west! 🙂
I’m female 🙂 I’m 15, and I’m south lol everythings bigger in Texas 😉 I used to live on the west coast, until april, then I moved down herehere. How about you?
Live in a small town surrounded by big cities! My exact location will have to go nameless for now..sorry! lol I’m 31. But i look and resemble a person in their late teens/ early 20’s. My birthday is in 9 days! 😀
You have a great personality, you seem out going and your very friendly! 🙂 I like that. I don’t see that from many of the youngsters around here. 🙂
Haha its all good no need to be sorry 🙂 .Haha that’s awesome! Happy early birthday 🙂
And haah ya that’s the side you see of me, its the side everyone sees of me most the time. I have that side and the side you don’t want to see lol I just treat people the way I wish to be treated.
Oh Lordy my uncle is have a little “talk” with my cousins boyfriend…. this otta be interesting O.o
I think imma put my headphones back in bout now
Err.. Sounds bad! lol
Oh belive me it is…. I’m sitting down here though, and everytime he responds to my uncle, my uncle doesn’t seem to like the answer…. I’m trying not to laugh at someone of the things being said, but its kinda funny.. lol
Grrrr I hate freaking auto correct sometimes… *someone not someone
lol next..the boyfriend will start saying that he can’t say anything at all! lol
Ok now imma kill auto correct. Some not someone
Lol oh don’t even worry.. The auto hates me too!! lol
What do you mean by that? O.o
That he will say he can’t say anything at all??
lol sounded better in my head!
I meant he will have to tell your uncle that he can’t say anything cuz everything he will say is wrong! lol ever been in that situation?
Lol you wouldn’t believe how many times I have been in that situation during JROTC stuff lol it used to be that way anyways until I learned a thing or two. 🙂 used to have to drop a lot for that haha
Awwww! lol jrotc, that’s great though! Are you still in it?
Yes I sure am 🙂 I love every minute of it.
lol idk why that brings this sense of relief to my mind!
I’ve never even been in a course like that!
Is that weird? 😉 lol
Lol idk. My question is why it brings a sence of relief to your mind but oh well lol. Its an amazing xperiance, and gets me ready for what I want to do when I get older
Maybe that’s why! lol I just worry about the youth of America..but knowing you are in a stable program like that is a relief I guess! lol one last youth to worry about! Hehe 🙂
Haha 🙂 .Ya I guess so 🙂 .
I laugh everytime I hear the song True Love by P!nk. U evrr heard it? Its cute and funny lol
Did I mention I’m a guy? lol no I’m very behind on most things that are new! We mostly watch funny videos on youtube and master chef! lol we don’t have cable in my house! the president could pass away during the week and I wouldn’t know till I got to work the next week! lol I listen to new rock stations and classic rock. My past music collection consisted of mostly Rock, punk, metal, post grunge, and emo/screamo. lol I was a bit of a musician myself. 🙂
Why do you ask about that particular song? lol
Lol I figured you were a guy. And haha cuz its funny. My cousin had me listen to it, so I did. 🙂 and that’s cool:-) I love music 🙂 couldn’t last a day without it.
Oh and haha did I mention I was a teenage girl?? 😀
It’s funny cuz I never remember people saying “I can’t live without my music” until around the years 2002-04′, but never heard the saying before that time. And now it seems to be the general consensus for most of the world….
…sorry…just ramblings left over from a time before the iPod! lol
Yeees! lol 🙂
Haha ur fine. And blarg, apple products. Haha I’m an Android person 🙂
-witwh that being said, you are subject to teenage girl coming from me every now and then lol, just warning you 🙂 . 90’s baby here lol
Ahh!! I’m old!!! lol :O
Lol your not as old as my dad, so eh ur fine lol. Close, but not quite
lol of course I’m not old! I told you, I look and act like I’m 22. 🙂 hehe
My wife is 9 years younger than I am! lol i haven’t been able to date a girl my age since high school because I never grew any older! lol
Haha my dads girlfriend, er whatever you would like to call her, no idea why they aren’t married yet. But she’s also 9 years younger than he is lollol and bleh I hate dating guys my age. Lol
Hey, stop hitting on me! lol 😉 jk
Lmao. Your a married man, and almost the same age as my dad ewwwww lol.
That’s exactly how it sounded in my head as well! lol 😛
…but I know they have them funny rules in the south!! lol 😉
Lol ok 🙂
i’ve been in every region… there are funny rules everywhere 🙂
Haha. Ya lol. I’m talking like 5 years older and somehwere in there lol
lol gotta go kill me some dinner! Ill be back! 😛
Mk, eat Some for me! I’m hungry lol. Idk when dinner will be ready