Tag:

Desires

Dark Entry

by RealTalk30 8/10/2013

written by RealTalk30

I just spent 3 hours reading through old journal entries and here is one I thought I’d post up.

January 15, 2008

I know that I shouldn’t try so hard to make myself happy. The fact is that I know time is running out. I don’t have much time to do the things that I need to do. So I rush and rush and I rush. Maybe a little too fast. And maybe, yes..a little too much. All I have to show for it is a broken back, a broken heart, and a broken mind. There is no familiarity..
There is no loyalty and there is […]

8/10/2013 130 comments

I Hate Living

by Lapi 7/23/2013

written by Lapi

I fucking hate my life. So I shit around, help other people with their lives in order to forget about my fucked up life… I know that won’t change anything, but I hate my life. I loathe it. I want to give up. I want to fucking give up everything. I can’t decide nor choose anything in my life. It’s all fucking manipulated by my parents even after highschool graduation. I hate living. I hate my family, I hate everything that is me. I just want to fucking kill myself. I a fucking useless shit infested with self-hatred. The judges won’t like me. I won’t […]

7/23/2013 0 comment

Can you believe it?

by TisxIxKasa 4/1/2013

written by TisxIxKasa

Last night, someone pointed out all my flaws. She told me about how I’m a burden to others. She gave reasons as to why it would be better if I was gone. She opposed all my life decisions. I know she has no right to tell me I’m living my life incorrectly, but I was taught to respect and listen to the thoughts of my elders.

She persuaded me to believe her. And I did.
I asked her to buy me pills so I could end my selfish activities. Instead, she called me stupid, selfish, and so many other words just because I insisted.
She then […]

4/1/2013 9 comments

Chasing

by betterdead 3/31/2013

written by betterdead

I’m surprised that people responded to my post about wanting to die probably because I’m used to being ignored when I need help the most. That’s right – ignored. It’s called growing up with a depressed, emotionally distant mother who was too preoccupied with her own problems to give her baby girl the nurturing and love she needed. Sneer if you want. Whatever. I don’t give a fuck. I’ve spent years in therapy, group therapy, on medications, making crazy, fucked up choices that intellectually I could not defend or understand yet I acted on anyway. I finally, finally put it all together: not enough of […]

3/31/2013 10 comments

why can’t i just disappear

by deathblooms 2/7/2013

written by deathblooms

i am the nothing man. i carry doom and gloom as my closest companions. i have no talent, no goals, no desires, no hope and i can’t wait to die. the one thing i do have is family and friends, and honestly, that is the reason why i’m still breathing on this god forsaken earth.

at random times throughout the day i visualize a bullet penetrating my skull and blowing my brains out. it feels more peaceful than anything else that i can imagine. to end the suffering which is my mind would be liberating.

i tried for many years to blame the injustices of […]

2/7/2013 1 comment

Suicidal

by MichelleJ 1/30/2013

written by MichelleJ

I still want to kill myself but there’s a few people around me who care. And I don’t want to satisfy the people who hate me cos it means they win. I live like a dog, I wake up each morning and survive. As much as I don’t think like an animal, I have the same existence as one. Blind people who’re totally blind that is, don’t seem to have as much success as most partially blind and sighted people in this fucker of a world. Some sighted people don’t have success, but it seems that the majority of people with disabilities are less successful […]

1/30/2013 2 comments

Am I a bad person?

by JustABrat 1/14/2013

written by JustABrat

Been a little while. Hi everyone. Whenever I think about suicide (which has been happening more and more frequently) I always try to figure out why I want to die. The main thing I’ve decided that drives towards suicide is an increasing lack of interest in everything. It all sounds so dull and tedious. There are times when I just want to be alone and sleep, times when being dead and people leaving me alone sounds very enticing. That’s actually one of the more frequent desires I find myself having during my moments. I suppose the other thing I find interesting about death is rather […]

1/14/2013 4 comments

Don’t just put a gun to your head.

by Dead Right 1/12/2013

written by Dead Right

The mistake that most people make when committing suicide is a total lack of planning and just acting on the spur of the moment. Under those circumstances it is noÂ wonder that things do not go as expected. I am not telling you to not do it, butÂ rather examine your desires to end it all and thoroughly research the method of dispatching yourself.Â Don’t rush the process, you have your whole life ahead of you to decide when to end it all. 😉

You do not want to wake up in a hospital bed with half your head blown off.Â If you think that you had problems […]

1/12/2013 4 comments

my story

by sinful desires 12/29/2012

written by sinful desires

well as start i never thought that what happened to me exceed others pain,always seemed to me meanless and i always say,for God sake why i’m depressed

my depression came from my past,cuz when i was a child i always been sexually abused by my uncles,i felt dirty and sick,i always tried to tell it to my family but they never cared(until now i’am still being abused)and like this i started to have feeling for girls because everytime a guy touch me i feel disgusted and sick but with girls it was the apposit of it,well i won’t say that i’ am lesbian it was just […]

12/29/2012 2 comments

by cus 11/27/2012

written by cus

These yearnings and desires will not be slaked. They grow more and more as time drags on. Is it even obtainable?

11/27/2012 1 comment

My Desires for the Blue Mermaid

by jamesm0792 9/20/2012

written by jamesm0792

Hello.

I think I’ll start with introducing myself so that, you know who I am and you won’t have to put it all together in confusion.

My name is James, but I like to be called Jamie. It’s more fitting and all of my friends call me that.

I’m 16 and enduring my Junior year of high school, Â so far the hardest year of my life.

There are many things that make me sad, which seems to be the case for most sincere people on this site, so I’ll just break my rant up into parts according to what’s going on.

My Brain

The thoughts that I have are so unorganized, […]

9/20/2012 4 comments

I don’t know what to do with myself

by RJo 6/28/2012

written by RJo

I don’t want to die-on most days. But sometimes I get so depressed it seems like a good solution. It just passes my mind out of the blue when I’m crossing a river or crossing the street. What if.

I thought I’d had it all figured out by now and it’s not like that. Not knowing what to do with your life at 20 isn’t a good idea. I feel like I’m gonna screw up, alone with a boring job I hate, surrounded by people I have nothing in common with, my parents are going to be so disappointed.They are going to die and I’ll […]

6/28/2012 5 comments

Say it with me now:

by tphg 6/22/2012

written by tphg

I am not my body’s reaction to the outside world.

Because I feel it does not make it real.

Pain is an indicator of injury much like an alarm sounds to alert of fire; pain is not personal.

I am stronger than the machine I operate; when it breaks down, I do not break down with it.

When it rumbles, slows, trundles, sputters, I conduct maintenance and nothing more.

My body is the machine, I am the operator. Its pain is not mine. Its biological desires are its own. Its limitations do not bind me.

I am something else.

6/22/2012 1 comment

turn the music up..

by tphg 6/20/2012

written by tphg

I’ve decided to let it all go, let everything that’s bothering me, go. I feel like I should be someone because of the people I know and the expectations that I perceive they have of me, but it’s all in my head. Ok, I’m sure it’s not all in my head or else I wouldn’t be writing this.

I love women, but I have nothing to offer. All I want is death and that supercedes just about everything I see and hear. Any desires, yearnings I might have, are outranked by my desire to not be.

I haven’t seen friends in months, recently started chatting […]

6/20/2012 2 comments

Broken

by Wolfenstein666 6/15/2012

written by Wolfenstein666

The realization that there are so many options that I can never have, no desires in the world, alive because I am not dead. All false hope I cast away to find the truth, I destroyed all normal development, social skills, parties, life. I am getting closer, closer to responsibility that I will never upheld. I am truly broken, unable to feel joy, the beautiful sunrise seen through faded eyes. Unable to be fixed, I accept death before symptom management.

6/15/2012 1 comment

Heartbreak

by Empty_Soul 6/14/2012

written by Empty_Soul

Rusted veins..
Shallow pain..
So much shame..
Regret..

Feelings of loss
Feelings of change..
Am i to blame..

My thoughts and desires..
Burn in this fire..
Never again will i love..
Your face..
Your embrace..
My heart stops..
Bloods gone..

My hands are red..
Is she dead?
No..
Not her..

Shes… not here..
I am weak..
My life is bleak.

Tonight she died..
Not in reality..
In her head.
She died in mine

6/14/2012 3 comments

press start.

by cagliostro 6/4/2012

written by cagliostro

‘Oh, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you.’

‘In the grander scheme of things, you are really insignificant.’

‘You’re too young.’

‘How can you expect anyone to care for you, to love you, if you don’t love yourself?’

‘We’ve spent this much money on you, the least you can do is pay us back.’

Yeah. Okay. I comprehend that. I don’t stop thinking aboutÂ them for a moment.

But I’m 19 years old and I am tired. I am tired of clawing my way through classes, I am tired of not being able to look anyone in the eye because I’m afraid of them, I am tired of not wanting to […]

6/4/2012 2 comments

Life has gone

by Everlasting 5/19/2012

written by Everlasting

I just wanted to add a small post, but for me it seems almost a definition of a state of mind I find myself in.

Life has passed me by. It feels so literal right now, sat at home, alone and having not spoken to a single human being for about 9 days. I have no hopes, no desires, no wishes, no plans for now, no plans for the future, nothing. I do not dream, no goals and no desire to change. It feels as though I am stuck in a void. Life has left me, why should I stay?

I have had my suicide attempts and […]

5/19/2012 4 comments

Dear God ,

by overstayed 4/22/2012

written by overstayed

I was taught to believe you exist and you are the creator of all things.

Through my own thought and reasoning I do believe you exist and I do believe you created all things asÂ everything is too intricate andÂ complicated to have happened by chance.

But as you are the creator, the point of origin of all existence, I feel you have some explaining to do.

As God and creator even if you created the big bang and evolution, you are singularly responsible for all things.Â This means you are evil. This means you are good.Â As these did not exist otherwise. Yes evil is your creation. […]

4/22/2012 9 comments

lonely.

by evildandelions 2/23/2012

written by evildandelions

I’m in a strange mood. Â I would almost say a good mood, but I feel that’s misleading. It’s not that my suicidal desires are gone, but that they’re simply pushed back in my mind. Â I know it’s a bad idea to self-diagnose, but moods like this make me wonder if I could be bipolar. Â I feel like my current mood could be described as a hypomanic episode. Â For instance, even though I only had maybe four hours of sleep last night, I feel energetic. I want to go out and do something. Â If I had friends I’d call them up and maybe we’d go to […]

2/23/2012 1 comment

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