My sister let me move in with her, and she has her boyfriend who lives with her as well, and everything was fine when I first arrived. In fact I honestly thought it was amazing, I felt so free and wanted and I was happy. But then things just kept dragging on and on and today my sister came back home and told me that my actions have been hurting her boyfriend. I don’t mean to do any of this, I want him to be comfortable and happy in his home and I feel so beyond bad. I haven’t cried so much in so long. I never really thought I was a broken record. I had hoped by coming here I would be able to change, be happier and open myself up to life. But obviously nothing changed in me. I need help, I need a lot of help. I really don’t want to be the way that I am anymore. I really wish that the person I was could just disappear. I don’t know how to handle 90% of situations, and I am an awkward enabler. I add awkwardness to situations and I really wish that I didn’t. I wish that I could be laid back and lively like everyone else. I want to be apart of the world itself and not be enclosed in my own mind. I need help, so I Â can stop hurting people i love.
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It’s really sad that you unintentionally hurt him, but instead of hating on yourself I think you need to look at all of this differently. Don’t you think it’s great that your sister told you what you’d done? Because you know that you hurt him, you can apologise and move on, because by apologising you’ll have acknowledged whatever it was that happened, you can talk about whatever it was, you can identify what it was that you did and you can think of ways to stop that from happening in the future. You can all discuss how to stop anyone else from getting hurt and you can make it clear that you want to change. If you all discuss how you feel more, chances are you will all understand each other better and all feel less uncomfortable and things will improve.
But I can’t bring it up, the conversation between my sister and I wasn’t supposed to happen. He asked her not to say anything to me, but she did because she wants me to know what is going on instead of me just continuing what it is that I am doing wrong. And the fact of the matter is, what I am doing wrong isn’t something I know exactly how to change or fix. I don’t know how to talk to people, I don’t know how to say hello and not feel awkward. I’m a quiet and shy person because I wasn’t exposed to people outside of the 4 horrible people I had lived with before living with my sister. I was so happy when I first got here and it definitely showed. But now I feel like I have over stayed my welcome and I don’t want it to be that way, and if i knew how to fix it I would. But the only way to fix it is to learn to be a happy person. I don’t know how to act happy when I honestly am not. I mean I did love being here, truly loved it. And then I began to miss my friends and work and this guy I have been confused with for 3 months. I don’t know what to do.