Feelings. Do I still have them?

I don’t know how to explain it but I will try. It takes a lot to actually get me to feel something and when I do it is usually negative. The negative emotion will be there for like an hour and then it’s gone. I can’t stay mad at people. I want to die because I fear the future and I don’t like myself. If you were to ask me what I felt right now I’d say I didn’t know. I don’t think that is normal. I realize now that it could be the medication I’m on but if I miss a day I end up cutting and being more suicidal than usual.