I’m 19 now and have tried to kill myself twice already. I have thought about killing myself ever since I was a little kid. I’m fat, ugly, poor, smoke weed, can’t get a girlfriend and even when I had one she laughed at my small penis. I’ve had really bad self esteem issues since I was little, it has a lot to do with my stepdad. He used to tell me the only way to better myself was to hate myself to the point I have to change myself. He used to have me strip down and take pictures of my body so he could tease me. He also used to force me to wear my moms bra and underwear and make fun of me while in them. He also used to beat me a lot, he would sometimes beat my mom in front of me as well just to show me that he would. The first time I was ever exposed to the thought of self harm I was 9 and was woken up in the middle of the night and thrown on the porch and forced to watch my mom slit her wrist and threaten to kill herself. I’ve cut my self ever since as a teenager I started to get nails and press the into my skin and heat them up with nails until the blister out, I would then rub bleach in them. I decided I needed to punish my self for everything that’s wrong with me. I have given my body to 2 older men simple out of the need to feel wanted. I’m always alone, none of my “friends” ever want to be around me and I don’t necessarily blame them I literally have nothing to offer as a friend. I now live with my uncle and his family no more emotional or physical abuse but I can’t seem to shake the thought. I know I’m pathetic but a little assurance on what sort of decision to make would be nice.
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You shouldn’t feel bad about yourself because the people who were suppose to shelter you and raise you weren’t equipped to do so. There is nothing wrong with you. You just need to find what makes you happy. It’s a rough road and not an easy one, but don’t beat yourself over others mistakes.
“Pain and gain” rhyme but they aren’t a way of life.
Its hard to accept that there is nothing wrong with me when that’s what I’ve been told my whole life, there has to be reason why no one ever wanted me
Penis enlargement surgery is a myth dude …..don’t think it will transform a vienna sausage into a massive throbbing king kong sized cock. The gains are minimal at best…..don’t ask me how I know this I just do…….
OP: Man that is horrific…..your step father needs to be gang raped in prison. Maybe then he will understand what humiliation is all about. I hate shit like this…..parents are supposed to care for children but many times they are the main reasons behind why many teens and young adults here feel the way they do. I’m glad you’re no longer in that situation at least you got out so that’s a step in the right direction.
If you are really worried about your penis size there are ways to enlarge it a little but I don’t think there much you can do about it. I have a lot of things I despise about myself and the hardest thing to do is accept that you can’t change them and move on…..of course this is easier said then done because I haven’t even managed to accomplish that task…. I would tell you “women don’t care about size” but I would be lying to you….Whenever you get into an argument with a woman whether its true or not the first thing she attacks is the size of your genitals…. like thats a trump card or something but anyway Its great that you haven’t off’d yourself at this point…..you are stronger than me… a lot of the stories I read on here make me realize how weak and pathetic I really am because although my problems and circumstances are horrible…..there are many others who actually endure more than me on a daily basis and I commend them for it because if it were me I would be dead already….
I know your experiences were traumatic but at least you got out….now you can focus on trying to recover and making sure you NEVER go back there….if you are ever offered the choice to move back with him make sure you always say “hell fucking NO” with authority. Don’t kill yourself before at least seeing where things go. I know you will always have those memories of that horrific time but now you are out of that situation.
If you don’t like your weight then try to lose it…..smoking weed isn’t something to be ashamed about dude most of america smokes or smoked pot sometime in their life. I can’t really give great advice about the self esteem thing because I have very low self esteem as well. All I can really do is empathize with you because I know how it feels man I really do.
Thanks man, and I try not to think about it anymore but sometimes its hard. It sucks that enlargement is pretty much a myth. Its hard to seal the deal when I’m worried about being big enough for her. I’ll never move back in with him again, definitely would kill myself before doing that
I said i wasn’t messing around on sp today cuz i been spending wayyy to much time on here but after reading this i just have to say something
I can’t believe your mom did that in front of you,, but maybe your stepdad was driving her really crazy that can happen. But mostly i can not believe women let anyone get away with treating their child like that (if they know its going on) they should do WHATEVER IT TAKES to make sure their child does not suffer abuse like that.. I have came really close to punching people men and women over hiting their own kids in stores in front of me..child abuse is the one main thing in this world that drive me completly insane and there aren’t many things in this world that can do that to me. This girl i went to school with was making smart ass remarks about my baby and i got on top of her and beat the hell out of her!!! Not where my kids could see it.
Kids cant help themselves someone has to care for them and help!
Sorry if i sound insane this stuff going on in the world drives me insane and sometimes idk how i keep going on in a world so full of horrible stuff like this. I watched my own bros and sisters being abused and me and that is probably the main cause of my mental illnesses. Maybe if you can find your way out of this and keep living if you do have kids it will make you a better parent than the ones you grew up with.
Please try not to let what that girl said about your penis get to you but i know guys do anyone who would say that is just very mean and maybe the problem wasn’t your penis maybe your penis isn’t too small maybe she is just too dam big. Maybe you should say THAT to any other girl that has something to say about your penis. Penis size is not that important in bed (sorry if im geting too explicit im little angry about the child abuse you had to go through and i just want to try and help you if i can) you can blow a girl away if you learn how to use your hands its not that hard and they will come begging for more + there are toys in case their really is a problem. There probably isnt a problem unless she is a giant.
Maybe if your weight is bothering you , then you can try exercising work ur way up over time to 30 mins a day walking fast/and jogging when u can it is ok to switch from jogging to walking when you get tired. It is extremely boring at times and when your depressed with no energy it can be the hardest thing ever to make yourself get up and do it everyday. I noticed a big change in my depression after i kept it up about 3 weeks, i still get down sometimes tho. And when you start to get in beter shape it can give you something that you can like about yourself. Feeling physically healthy and stronger really can help, so please at least give it a try. Cut out sodas full of sugar and leave the junk food alone and your weight will come off, don’t starve yourself.
Well i really wish i could say something that would make you feel beter but idk what i could say and i hate that you had to go through what you did i really hope you can find some things in life that make you happy and i hope you find them soon you have suffered enough