I guess i am not the ordinary 17 year old kid, I walk around with a tophat with goggles, long leather coats with spikes on them and jeans with chains. But this not even why people threaten me everyday, or throw rocks at me because they did that before I started looking weird. I guess it’s just me, for some reason I probably deserve it, because no matter what i do, no matter where i go i always get punished. When it’s not people punishing me it is faith, broken bikes with 15km to Â go and no one to reach, trains suddenly all stop, beehives in the only place with shadow, that kind of stuff. Every single day. That is why I escape i guess, i tend to flee away, i have been doing that ever since i remember. At first it would be running up to my room but by the time i got 10 i would escape into dreaming of being dead and even trying it. Then, years came of trying, then my mom got cancer and i stopped. I did not want to hurt her, and i still don’t, yet all i can think of is dying still. The last 6 months it got worse and worse and it is still getting worse eventhough i am getting help. I am visiting a shrink and the friends that know of this all really try to help me eventhough it is also very hard for them. I wish there was a way i could do this, end my years of suffering, without hurting anyone, but i can’t. I just came back from crying in class without anyone noticing, again, i am starting to get good at it. And i could use some support to, you know, keep breathing. Because sometimes, people around you are not enough reason anymore. Being alive hurts, every single second.