I guess i am not the ordinary 17 year old kid, I walk around with a tophat with goggles, long leather coats with spikes on them and jeans with chains. But this not even why people threaten me everyday, or throw rocks at me because they did that before I started looking weird. I guess it’s just me, for some reason I probably deserve it, because no matter what i do, no matter where i go i always get punished. When it’s not people punishing me it is faith, broken bikes with 15km to  go and no one to reach, trains suddenly all stop, beehives in the only place with shadow, that kind of stuff. Every single day. That is why I escape i guess, i tend to flee away, i have been doing that ever since i remember. At first it would be running up to my room but by the time i got 10 i would escape into dreaming of being dead and even trying it. Then, years came of trying, then my mom got cancer and i stopped. I did not want to hurt her, and i still don’t, yet all i can think of is dying still. The last 6 months it got worse and worse and it is still getting worse eventhough i am getting help. I am visiting a shrink and the friends that know of this all really try to help me eventhough it is also very hard for them. I wish there was a way i could do this, end my years of suffering, without hurting anyone, but i can’t. I just came back from crying in class without anyone noticing, again, i am starting to get good at it. And i could use some support to, you know, keep breathing. Because sometimes, people around you are not enough reason anymore. Being alive hurts, every single second.
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The steampunk culture fascinates me and so does Victorian romantic poetry.
I feel your pain because I grew too having to defend myself against people full of hatred. I spend most of my time either in the cemetery or a quiet forest.
In junior school kids would lunch together, but I would be alone outside.
So over the years I sort of accepted the fact that I’m “different” and “unlucky” in many ways. Perhaps we are the only “normal” ones in a world full of people who are nothing more than sheep that like to kiss ass and take order. Fuck that! I rather die than be a sheep. Perhaps it’s this rebellious spiritual freedom that has united people like you & I.
It’s funny how similar we seem to be, and it really brings a smile to my face to hear such a thing, so thank you. I too used to be the one alone outside in junior school, i did not get the whole running around and playing games with no point to it.
I liked to observe and just wonder how stupid these things all really are,
and sheep behaviour is really one of the worst i agree.
I also would not want to die or live a sheep.
Although it does not really seem to have effect (except for negative effects towards me) i will always fight against this sheep behaviour. So we will be rebellious together! Kind of anarchy against sheep haha
What’s wrong with being a sheep? I’m a social animal and so are you, and you, and you, and you, and you…
Well, being a social animal kind of sucks because when you try not to be a social animal, you feel lonely and at odds with all the other social animals that are being social. Yet, it’s all stupid and none of it even makes sense. Even social animals are in reality separated by the vast chasm between one person and another.
I think this sort of thing is what drives people completely mad.
You are right, it does drive people completely mad,
but i cannot be or act like a sheep, and i would not want to.
I love philosophy and read a lot of it too, i have read only one that encourages this and his reason is because the sheep will and can serve those who are not sheep and the rest of society. Also I have never been much for sheep behaviour because most of the things they do are just plain ridiculous and they do not hesitate to think about their deeds they just do so because they do not know any better.
I have honestly never felt like following others exactly because i always feel like everybody is wrong and i would rather make mistakes completely my own and knowing only I hold responsibility.
But yes it is a dark and lonely road, even while knowing there are people supporting me, but hell I am on a dark an lonely road anyway so I’ll better make this road something i can be proud of.
I hope you can relate to anything I am saying, but if you feel like it, feel free to think of me a fool,.. but i hope you will in that case think of me as an independent fool.
Being “not a sheep,” would imply not caring even one iota what anyone else thinks or says – being, “not a sheep,” means not bothering with the social conventions, like language and all that nonsense that’s communally shared among all humans, because that’s following and embracing something that’s not your own. It’s sheepish. Because the metaphor, “sheep,” is useful for speaking of herd creatures that wander around in large groups, doing the same sort of things. We’re all sheep – except maybe those loner strangers who live in hollowed out tree stumps in Alaska.
What’s wrong with being a sheep? The shepherds are wolves. Sheople always talk about “wolves in sheep’s clothing,” but it’s the wolves in shepherd’s clothing we should be worried about.
You sound really cool. I’d like to meet you!! >.<
There’s utterly nothing wrong with socialism. The reality, however is that it’s virtually impossible for a non conformist to fit into the norms of society, because a) he’s unable to tolerate the pressure of having to be a sheep & tolerate imposed belief systems, lifestyles, dress codes etc..& b) he’s viewed as an outcast for being “different” therefore having to seek companionship elsewhere. Like I said before, I would rather die than wear a uniform and be like everyone else.
Being yourself will be the only thing that separates you from others, if we were all the same then the word unique wouldn’t exist
You could always take all your clothes off and run naked through the forests like an antelope. But that might be conforming to the standards of antelope dress etiquette. o.O Really, there is no winning. Conformity and non-conformity are illusions.
If “everyone else” was willing to be more like me, i wouldn’t mind being a bit more like them. I’m willing to consider cooperation and compromise, but only in accordance with a cost/benefit analysis that can be reasonably justified. If my benefit isn’t worth my cost, then i won’t do it. Period. I’m willing to reduce the amount of “excess benefit” i may achieve, in order to substantially and justifiably benefit others who are also willing to cooperate and reasonably compromise… but not for those who simply demand i sacrifice all my benefits, and instead pay an exorbitant cost, in order to gain something i do not value.
I will not contribute to something i cannot condone. I will not work against myself. I will not negotiate with anyone who is unreasonable, nor will i value the opinions of those who do not correctly arrive at them.
I don’t mind wearing a uniform if it’s comfortable and represents something i agree with. But i won’t volunteer to subject myself to unnecessary discomfort in support of something i disagree with.
Lots of people used to insist that they would rather die on their feet, than live on their knees; that is obviously no longer a popular stance. People tend to change their minds about that when facing a legitimate threat of death, as a consequence for standing up for what’s right.
Life is not about winning or losing. All human interaction seems to stem from a deep rooted yearning of longing to belong. Despite our vast differences, virtually everyone wants to feel welcomed, accepted and cared for their uniqueness. Human life is short for a reason, we are not here accidentally. I believe we are spirits having a physical experience thus here to learn and accept ourselves for who we are. Our deeds determine us as much as we determine our deeds.
As Socrates once said, “the unexamined life is not worth living”
The only true heroes are not those that conform and kiss ass on the front lines of a battlefield, but those who came and started a revolution. Socrates, Plato, Epictetus and such men. They too lived amongst kings and emperors and were treated as outcasts for thinking and living differently. Why live other than to fight for what you believe in?
As Carl Sagan once said,
“The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot.
Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.”
Obviously, life is about living. I’m not sure where “it’s not about winning or losing” came from. If you don’t win, you lose. If you lose too much, you die. Ergo: one could justifiably argue that life is indeed about winning, and also that “whether you win or lose” does actually matter.
I honestly don’t remember what it’s like to need of welcome or yearn to belong. I honestly just want to be left alone. I don’t particularly care whether or not anyone values me “for my uniqueness,” but rather, i do want to be appreciated for my better qualities, regardless of whether i am unique. I want other people to like the things that i think are good about me, despite whatever isn’t good.
The whole “we are spirits” comment is a bit of a non-sequiter. Human life is short because we are not maximizing our potential for being and remaining healthy. We waste our lives working to support a system that enslaves and devalues us. If you work 5 days a week and barely make enough money to do anything, then by the end, it seems like you didn’t even really get to do much of anything but work.
“Life is what you make it…”
As much as we are what life makes us.
And that’s true regardless of whether anyone “believes we are spirits.”
Disbelief in the idea of spirits, does not indicate an unexamined life. An examined life does not necessarily lead to belief in spirits. It’s absurd how so many people imply or even insist that it should. Either way, Socrates can say stuff like that, because that’s who he was. But there are LOTS of people who lead very unexamined lives, who are quite convinced that a life of blissful ignorance is indeed worth living. And i can’t really say that they’re wrong. They’re so ignorant that they don’t even know they are ignorant. They don’t know there is any need for further examination.
A life that can only be suffering, in which the means to achieve one’s own most precious goals, does not exist, cannot be acquired, or only exist as ideals to motivate futile pursuit… that is what is not worth living. A life of gainless pain, pursued due to misguidance, marred by obstruction, obfuscation and restriction… that is what’s not worth living. But i wouldn’t know that, had i not examined my own life. Had i not examined my own life, i would not know that it is not worth living. I would perhaps be otherwise content.
It’s interesting that humans are the only creatures that ask themselves, “why are we here?” Perhaps the more important question is not why are or why aren’t we here,
but why should we be here? Sorry but this concept of obtaining a career & becoming wealthy & starting a family isn’t enough of a reason for me to fucking stick around.
6 billion ppl on earth are already doing that and everyone thinks he’s guna hit the jackpot someday and live luxuriously while everyone else slaves their way through a life of labor. It’s hard enough getting out of bed in the morning, let alone trying to conform to rules. Fuck employers, fuck the government, fuck voting & fuck trying to be someone I aint. The only real gift in life is not life itself but FREE WILL, & the ability to decide how you wana live and how you wana die.
I’m pretty sure lots of people have and still are asking “why should we be here?” Especially since the common ancestor link is still shrouded in mystery and controversy.
If aliens came here and spliced and hacked DNA, combining theirs with the existing hominids, tweaking the code to create a tailored slave race… then perhaps we should not be here in the first place.
Otherwise, i don’t think anyone can make a valid case for “we shouldn’t be here.” OTOH: humans certainly do plenty of shit they should not do. And i think the important part is more the doing, than the being. The important question is not so much “what are we?” but rather “what are we DOING!?” And why are we doing it?
Why would anyone do anything without understanding why they’re doing it? Acting without reason is completely reckless and is not something i can condone or support.