The Dead Survivor

I’m 17, and have had more troubles in my life then a 90year old.I’ve survived this hell for years and looked down upon those “weak” enough to take their own lives. I’ve been the one raised to.always push through it, be strong, deal with it, survive,. And yet out of nowhere today I find myself registsuicide project. Here’s my story. My life was mazing I had the best family you could ask for ya we.were definitely not well ofny means just a hard working middle class family.My father was humble mechanic my mom just a stay at home mom, two sisters one brother who are 6 and 7years older then I am. Words could not express how close I was to my family. They were not just my family but my.best friends. At age twelve my father died of cancer I was sitting next to him laughing when he gets up to go to the restroom I go check on him after he was there for an unusual amount of Time. I find my father on the floor in a pool of blood. There I was a 12year old kid looking at my dead father.my mother after that began drinking and within a year was arrested for a DUI accident. I went to live with my grandma as my siblings went to college. My.mother got out of jail and I moved in withher, after a year and a half my mother died of a heart attack along with my grandmaaunt uncle and friend all passing away that year. Now an orphan I moved in with my brother in a shithole apartment and was forced to grow up fast.So here I am 17 no mom dad grandparents or any relativesbesides my brother with me all alone and.confused. yet somehow I survived it all stayed strong and became motivated I have a 4.5 GPA in highschool currently along with a scholarship in track. I woke up this morning and feel like I’m done. I no longer can hold it in. I have to much guilt and pain in my heart to live. I look at dieing and see it as such an.easy escape and I’m not even scared of it. No more stress pain suffering fake smiles or laughs I can just end it all and I think I will….tonight