I’m lost.

I miss the first time we kissed. November 4, 2009. I smiled the whole way home. I tried to stop, but I couldn’t. I was so happy. I miss the first time you wrap your arms around me, kissed my cheek. I miss the first time you called me babe. I miss the beginning, when we didn’t want to say I love you, so we said i <3 u. I miss the first time you said you loved me. I miss the feeling of being loved, I was so blown away at the fact that someone could actually like me, none the less love me. I miss purposely bumping hands in social studies, because I wanted to be close to you. I miss staying up until 4 am on the phone with you every night, talking about nothing or everything. I miss the way you'd rub your thumb across mine while holding my hand. I miss the way you'd smile every time I looked at you. I miss feeling your smile every time we kissed. I miss the warmth I felt while laying across your chest. I miss going to the movies 4 times a week, just to see each other. I miss tickling the back of your neck. I miss playing with your hair until you fell asleep. I miss when you'd pretend to be mad at me so I'd keep kissing you until you gave in. I miss those nights where we were so wrapped up in each other that we'd just fall asleep for hours. I miss waking up and smiling, knowing that you were still there. I miss being at the concert with you, singing our favorite songs at the top of our lungs, your arms wrapped around me the whole night. I miss when you slammed on the breaks in the middle of the road just so you could stop and kiss me. I miss laying out under the stars with you. I miss hearing all your stories of things you did as a kid. I miss talking to you about your music and how passionate you are about it. I miss laying across your lap in the car, talking about the future and what we want to do. I miss hearing all your plans over the years and how much they've changed. I miss laying in bed with you in complete silence while you traced my skin with your fingertips. I miss everything we were, and everything we had. Even all the pointless fights we got into, breaking up almost every day. I miss all that we've been through in the last 4 1/2 years. You're all I've ever known, and all I ever want to know. I'd rather be alone the rest of my life then be with anyone but you. I don't know what happened. One day you just, stopped. Suddenly it was just me. You were still there, physically, but not emotionally, not anymore. And now you're not there physically either. I don't know what to do now without you. 4 1/2 years is a lot to lose so suddenly. I don't know what I did, but I;d be willing to change everything about myself if it would bring you back. I love you so much Eric, please just come back to me. .