Sometimes I just spend my night thinking how this family will function after I’m gone. Some nights I’ll cry hysterically because I know no one in this family will ever self reflect, see what they do to me, how they destroy me. Some nights I keep blaming myself for everything that happened, apologizing for not dying in the hospital after I was admitted with fever after 14-02-1994. Some nights I lose myself in every memory that was created and end up fainting, screaming in agony. Some nights I try my best to cut every flaw away, break my skin in the hope that my spirit will be released. Tonight won’t be one of those nights. The questions remain unsolved. But the mystery is gone. I have the answer I need. Life won’t be missed, and no one who died ever returned to tell they did. I promise this isn’t my final goodbye, but it’s near, I’ll just have to be patient.
Me as a baby…
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2 comments
“everything that happened”… would you tell me, akieautumn, what happened?
After reading this my heart truly goes out to you. Please reconsider harming yourself. I recently lost someone that I loved very much and I can tell you that he had some of these same feelings. Even if you think nobody loves you and nobody care I will tell you that you are wrong. Someone will always care. I will not pretend to know what you are feeling and I do not know who you are, but as a fellow human I can say that I care. I really hope that you can seek the help or answers that you need. I am here if you would like to talk.