I cut for the first time in a month today, I feel ecstatic to be perfectly honest. I mean wow, I was expecting it to be good and all to feel something again but not this good. Guess I was even more sick of numbness than I realised. If cutting feels this good imagine how much better something on a much grander scale must be! Hopefully I’ll be able to work myself up to suicide tonight, let’s see how this goes…
So anyway I was wondering, why do you guys cut?
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I would surmise because you feel it! It stimulates you out of numbness and pain.
I cut because physical pain and wounds are the type of pain I know how to care for and which heal easily. I cut when the emotional pain is so great that putting it into words in blood on my body is the only way I can express my anguish to myself in a language I understand. I cut when I am too emotional, that includes too happy.
I hate myself. So, so much. I love the pain. I love the feeling of a cold blade being drenched in blood. I dont know. im always in pain but the constant pain that stings at my physical being is so wonderful. im sick, i know.
Johnny Cash- Hurt
I think I cut because I have the idea I have control about something (actually I know that I don’t really have), and yeah, it just gives me a great feeling, I forget everything for a moment and I feel numb.
Long ago when I did, I just enjoyed seeing the blood. It was assuring somehow.
where to begin? I feel like it justifies my sadness, it makes it so that Im not guilty for being unhappy. Its like a drug, for a few moments it takes the pain away; everything that had piled onto me throughout the day is lifted. The best part though – the blood. I love when I hit an artery and the blood just comes gushing out and it won’t stop, but I also love when I don’t have something very sharp to cut with, so slowly these beautiful little droplets appear out of the shallow cut, even though afterwards I am desperate to go deeper
I can’t remember why really, it just felt right.
My head was so overwhelmed with thoughts and pain that I physically couldn’t do anything but cut. Literally, before I discovered cutting I would just sit around and shake violently, at least cutting gave it an outlet and that felt like an accomplishment