it’s happening again. I thought I could move and everything would be better. I’ve tried. I’m exercising, I’m in a new location, I have new friends, I’m pretty, smart, talented, etc. what the fuck is wrong with me
I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t do anything. except sit here and feel sorry as fuck for myself. because that’s all I am is sorry. I don’t know how I’m gonna get better. nothing is working. I can’t do it alone. I need some sort of medical help because this shit isn’t working. I wish I could leave myself. like it’s so easy for everyone else to do, when they get tired of you they can just stop talking to you. and never have to associate with you again. but when you get tired of yourself, you have to look at yourself every goddamn day and be reminded that you have to put up with yourself. you can’t just leave with ease, and you never will.
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4 comments
I get what you are saying…I know it all too well. Not only with my self but everything I do I have a propensity to start things over and over and over again… Running away, however, might feel like a fresh new start but it will allways come full circle. There’s something in the way our mind’s work…some sort of short that no one can explain. All they can do is stuff a bunch of pills in your hand and hope for the best… It’s not an easy thing to do but we have to learn to forgive our selves…that’s the only way we will ever be able to face our selves.
“it’s happening again. I thought I could move and everything would be better. I’ve tried. I’m exercising, I’m in a new location, I have new friends, I’m pretty, smart, talented, etc. what the fuck is wrong with me”
I can say I relate to your post a lot. I hope you get better.
I’m about to do the same you say you did (move, look for a new life, do others stuff), and i’m starting to worry that the same thing will happen (not being able to cope with myself even if i start from scratch). I hope you’ll be better eventually, and if you do need to look for help in order to get better, do so
The thing that caught me was your “i’m pretty, talented, smart”. It’s the situation of having quite everything you can normally ask to life, and still feel the sense of void inside you, that i relate to. It’s madness. You can’t blame it on nobody and nothing but yourself – or at least your mind, that’s what i’m doing lately. I’m blaming some depression disease or shit like that.
No advice is gonna be given to you by me. I think this whole situation of being alive is an unfair deal, like when you’re in a bar trying to get drunk as fuck and the bartender says the amount, you’re like “fuck that’s too much” but you pay and go away