Hello

I found this site and I guess the idea of  it is pretty cool. I guess I want to share my story here. Some things that I never told anyone before

I was born with multiple health problems in a abusive family. I have an extremely overactive imune system that sometimes attacks my organs and muscles. This has put me in the hospital many times. I have albinism due to this condition, as it eats away all of my melamin. I have had anemia my whole life and it causes me a terrible insomnia

I learned to live with it. But children would always pick on me because I am white. You see, I live in a country in which most population is black/native/mixed. I got called all kinds of things every single day. I had to dye my hair at age 3 to stop the kids from the kindergarden from beating me because of my white hair, and even still, itdidn’t help much. I grew to hate my skin and hate my hair, but there isn’t much I can do about it

When I entered first grade, a group of boys and girls from 6-8th grade would pick on me and call me names. I wouldn’t care. So they started beating me really bad. I started self harming and developing an eating disorder. And when I told the school about what was going on, they covered it up. I was white, it would go front page, and they didn’t need this kind of publicity. That was my biggest mistake, because when my abusers found out, they raped me. And they did it many times after that. My parents wouldn’t listen to me. So, after two years taking that, I tried to commit suicide for the first time. I was just a child and didn’t know how those things work. I just jumped from my house’s roof, only got a broken leg.

I was forced to move schools but it didn’t help. Anywhere I went people would make fun of me because of my color. I had developed dissoative disorder and panic disorder. It triggered my bipolar disorder and I had increadibly intense episodes. I almost died numerous times and I wasn’t even 10 years old yet.

When I was 10,we moved to another state. That year was full of suicide attempts and hospital trips because of my eating disorder and my other health problems. At 11 I was kicked out of the house, as they gave up on dealing with me. Thankfully, a nice person took me in. He was the best thing that ever happend in my life. He was a japanese guy, only 16 years old, and had a cybercafe in town. He was really smart and tauhgt me how to fix computers and how to speak japanese. When I was 15 we married so I could be legally free from my parents. We were just friends, the marriage was just so I could be an adult by law. Of course, those years were filled of dealing with myself and my health. I needed many surgeries to fix muscle damage I have acute osteoporosis because of my eating disorder. I attempted suicide many times. Went to a mental institution for a year for my eating disorder. But still, he was the most supportuve person I could ever ask for. He cared after me and never asked anything in return. It was much more than I could ever ask for

Nowdays, I am 20 years old. I am a med student and I want to do something to help people who have been through depression and eating disorders just like me. My friend has passed away 3 years ago from a natural disaster, and taht has affected me deeply, but I promissed I would do my best to keep alive. And I am. I still struggle with my bipolar disorder, agoraphobia and depression. My eating disorder comes and goes but nothing too serious, thankfully. And even though I still comtenplate suicide often, and have attempted it some times on these past few years, I am “fine”. I have something to look up to, at least. I just want to make the best out of my situation. My life will never be normal. I will never have kids. I will probably never marry anyone. I will always be ill and will probably die young because of my illness, but I want to try. I just want to make people better and help them to not go through all the abuse and ignorance I had to go through. I want to open a mental ward and my own medical hospital in which I will take in abuse victims. I just want things to get better. And if I die in the proess, at least I will die trying to do something good

I just want to be a better person to the world than the world has been to me